


All That Could Have Been

by Carmexgirl



Series: All That Could Have Been [1]
Category: Heroes - Fandom
Genre: Heroes, M/M, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-03
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 17:06:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmexgirl/pseuds/Carmexgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mohinder is trapped in an abusive and emotionally crippling relationship.  Matt is the cop who has to trty and convince him that love isn't like that.  But can he do it in time to save his life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

The clock on the wall ticked far too loudly. It was 5:15pm. Just 45 minutes until Matt could clock off, go home, and ruminate on what a shitty day it had been. Shitty as in meaningless, unproductive, _pointless_. The type of day you write off as a complete and utter waste of time, and try not to think about how much of your life has slipped away in the meantime. He leaned back on his chair, put his feet up on the desk, and aimlessly pulled cotton pills off his pants, flicking them onto the floor.

  
  


“Parkman!” a voice barked into his ear, making him jump out of his reverie and nearly topple to the floor. “We got a call. I need you to get down to 12th, there’s a report of a domestic in progress.”

  
  


“A domestic? Oh come on!” It was typical. Another crappy domestic that would take up two hours and no one would make any complaints. A perfectly unproductive end to a perfectly unproductive day. “I knock off in 45 minutes – can’t someone else deal with it?” 

  
  


“No, Parkman. This one needs your…shall we say…expertise.” Matt sighed and got to his feet. He wouldn’t have to deal with this crap once he’d passed the Detectives exam, he thought.

  
  


He called to Monaghan, who looked equally dejected and pissed off, to print out the details, while he went to get keys for the squad car. They meandered their way through the mid-afternoon traffic to get to 12th, which was situated on the Lower East Side. Monaghan ran through the details from the print out.

  
  


“The neighbors have complained that they can hear arguing inside the property… said they heard someone screaming and being hit…sound of breaking glass…all the usual crap…wait no. It’s two men. It’s a gay couple.”

  
  


“Oh great.” ‘Your expertise’ he had said. Whatever happened to ‘Don’t ask. Don’t tell?’ The fact that Matt was gay wasn’t a secret, far from it in fact. He’d even been in the paper about it. He resented that he was seen as the resident expert on all sexuality related issues, because he seemed to be the only ‘out’ male in the force. Why they thought he could handle a shitty domestic between a gay couple any better than anyone else was beyond him.

  


They pulled up to the property, and Matt thought tiredly that it fulfilled all of the stereotypes of a domestic – small terraced affair with an unruly garden; trash on the front; tatty, split front door that hadn’t been painted in years; cracked panes of glass everywhere. Neighbors’ curtains twitched as both officers walked up to the property. Matt gave whoever was looking a cursory wave before ringing the doorbell. The doorbell predictably didn’t work, so he resorted to banging on the door, making it shake precariously on its hinges, and hollering through the letter box.  The door opened, and he was met with the smiling face of a shark. 

  
  


“Gabriel Gray?” he asked, and the man’s grin became wider. He noticed that the smile rested there, seemingly adrift from the rest of his face. His nose was sharp and pointed, his eyes deep set, with two thick eyebrows fighting for space on his forehead. There was no emotion in that smile, just a look of pure indifference. Matt looked to his hands, and noticed small bruises on the knuckles, indicating that he’d had a fight. “Yes officer?” his voice was unnervingly soft and quiet.

  
  


“We had had reports of a disturbance between you and your partner.”

  
  


“Disturbance?”

  
  


“Yes. We need to check that the two of you are ok. May we come in?”

  
  


Gray motioned for them to step into the house. The inside wasn’t as bad as he had expected; it was fairly homey and relatively clean. The closer he looked however, the more he could see the tell tale signs of something wrong. There were black marks on the wall, and little dents here and there in the furniture, on walls, on doors, and various surfaces around the house. He could see that the glass in the front window had been smashed from the inside, and he thought he could determine flecks of blood peppering the dark window sill. Moving to take a closer look, he tripped over a chair and almost landed on something soft on the sofa. He stopped himself, and saw a man sitting there, silently staring at the floor. He looked up, and Matt could see he had the most beautifully pained eyes he had ever seen. 

  
  


“Matt this must be the partner,” said Monaghan, staring at his notes. “Sir, are you Mohinder Suresh?”

  
  


“That’s correct.” The man spoke like he came from another world. His accent was English, but with a slight Indian inflection. Matt stared at his face, and even though his skin was the color of mocha, he could just discern swelling and the beginnings of a bruise on his cheek, as well as a cut to his lip. The man tried to smile at Matt, but, like Gabriel Gray’s, the smile never got further than his lips.

  
  


“Dean, would you take Mr Gray to the car and question him there? I’ll deal with Mr Suresh.” Monaghan led Gabriel to the car, not before the latter stole a glance at Mohinder. Mohinder nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly, and turned to Matt. Matt waited until he was out of Gabriel’s earshot, and sat by Mohinder.

  
  


“So this is the part where you tell me that nothing happened, everything’s fine, and it was all a misunderstanding. Right?”

  
  


Mohinder stared at the floor. “Well that’s true. I really don’t know why you’re here.”

  
  


“I saw the look he gave you. The little narrowing of the eyes? The look that says ‘you say anything and you’re dead.’ He’s sly, but I saw that Mohinder.”

  
  


Mohinder winced at the mention of his name. “I don’t know what you saw, but it’s really nothing.”

  
  


Matt pointed to Mohinder’s cut lip. “So that’s nothing then.” To his cheek. “That’s also nothing right? The blood on the window sill – your blood? That’s nothing is it?”

  
  


“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His voice was flat and emotionless.

  
  


“We got a call. People heard raised voices, someone screaming, the smashing of glass? Any of that jog your memory?”

  
  


“No, I can’t say that it does.”

  
  


“So if I talk to anyone else in this neighborhood they’ll tell me that I got it wrong then. That they heard nothing. Nothing apart from birds chirping and children laughing.   Do you really want me to do that? Because I will – I’ll knock on every door in this street to find out what really went on.” 

  
  


Mohinder sighed. He looked straight ahead and started talking in a toneless voice. “Gabriel and I were having sex. It got a bit energetic and some things got broken. You got called because the neighbors are bunch of homophobic racists who want us out of here and will do anything to make that happen, including wasting police time. I’m sorry if this has been a wasted journey, officer.” He continued staring into the middle distance, but he was scraping the side of his thumb with the nail on his index finger, tearing the skin enough to make it bleed

  
  


“Very well rehearsed Mohinder. You almost had me believing you.” Matt sighed. He stared at Mohinder. Behind the cuts and bruises the man was good-looking – really good-looking. But he looked for the entire world like a broken man, a man who had had the life literally punched out of him. His eyes never lifted above Matt’s mouth when he spoke to him. He continually avoided his gaze, and he shifted nervously on his hands whenever he spoke.

  
  


“Look at you.” said Matt, finally. “How long has he been doing this to you? A month? A year? Two years? Five? How long will it take before you realize? Or do you want to be tomorrow’s murder?”

  
  


Mohinder silently stared out of the window, fingers slowly caressing a bruise on his arm. Matt sighed again and turned away from him. He knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere with this. “Do you want to make a complaint?” he asked, but he already knew the answer.

  
  


“I have nothing to complain about.” Mohinder turned to Matt and tried to smile, but there was pain in his eyes.

  
  


It was the first time he’d looked Mohinder in the eye since they’d met. “Even you don’t believe that,” he said, sadly. He brushed Mohinder’s side as he stood up to put his notebook away, discreetly slipping a card into the back of his trouser pocket. He looked out of the window and saw Gabriel Gray and Monaghan walking up the path.

  
  


“You don’t…” Mohinder began animatedly, but stopped abruptly as Gabriel re-entered the room with Monaghan behind him.  Monaghan shook his head at Matt. Gabriel glared at Mohinder, who nodded his head slightly. He turned to Matt, and when he saw the dejection on his face, he smiled a large, smug smile. He put a hand on Mohinder’s shoulder, causing him to flinch slightly. “Do you have all you want, officers?” he asked with mock sincerity, “Is there anything more my partner and I can do for you? Perhaps you’d like a drink?” Matt saw his grip on Mohinder’s shoulder tighten.

  
  


“I think we have all we need,” said Monaghan, evidently desperate to get home. “Just stay out of trouble, and keep the noise down. Both of you.”

  
  


They sat in the car. Matt stared ahead for a few moments, lost in thought. It was something about those eyes that got to him. Those beautiful eyes could tell a thousand stories, but all emotions were hidden behind a gauze of fear. He looked up, and could see Gabriel watching him from the window, smiling. He waved, and despite himself Matt, ever the professional, waved back. It was only when he went to grip the steering wheel that he realized his hand had been clenched into a fist.

  
  


***

  
  


Gabriel turned his back on the window to face Mohinder. As his gaze fell on him, his smile dropped and his eyes narrowed. Mohinder, sensing something, stood up and put his arms out. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could get any sound out, Gabriel smacked the back of his hand across his face with incredible force. Mohinder cried out in pain, his already split lip tearing further. Gabriel raised his hand and hit him again, squarely in the nose, which gave way with a sickening crack. He whimpered and tried to shield himself, so Gabriel punched him in the stomach, taking his breath away. He doubled over, panting and retching.

  
  


“That’s what made the police come round here.” Gabriel’s voice was low and steady. His pupils were the size of pin pricks. “You don’t scream unless I say so.” Mohinder straightened up and held his face, which was hot and throbbing from the blows. He wiped the blood running down from his nose with the hem of his shirt.

  
  


“What did you tell him?” Gabriel asked.

  
  


“I told him… nothing happened.” Mohinder steadied his voice. “I told him the neighbors are all homophobic racists and called them out of spite. He threatened to go and question them, so I said we were having sex and it got out of hand.”

  
  


Gabriel bent down and kissed Mohinder’s bloody lips tenderly. “Very good. Very good. I’m glad you remembered our story. You see, you can learn things once in a while.” He smiled at him, and kissed his broken nose lightly. “We don’t want fat cops coming here, poking their noses into our business, do we?” 

  
  


“No.” Mohinder said, trying not to wince with pain.

  
  


“Good. Good.” He pulled him into a hug, and kissed his neck. “I don’t like hitting you Mohinder. You have such a beautiful face; it doesn’t look good all bruised and cut.” He brushed a hand across Mohinder’s jaw. “But you do such stupid things sometimes, that I have to teach you. It’s the only way you’re going to learn.”

  
  


“I know, I know” Mohinder said, closing his aching eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  
  


“So am I. Now get upstairs.” 

  
  


“What?” His eyes opened with a start.

  
  


“Get upstairs. I don’t want to make you into someone who lies to the police now, do I? And you will be allowed to scream. Upstairs. Now!” Gabriel suddenly wasn’t smiling anymore. Mohinder walked upstairs, slightly unsteadily. His head was in a daze, still reeling from Gabriel’s blows. He went to the bedroom and automatically took off his jeans in readiness. A white card fell out of his pocket and onto the floor. Mohinder picked it up, and saw ‘Matt Parkman’ scrawled across it, along with a cell phone number.

  
  


He stared at the card for a second, flipping it over in his hands, momentarily deep in thought. Somebody somewhere lit a small candle in his mind; it was flickering in the darkness that surrounded it, daring to give the faintest hope. He heard Gabriel’s slow, deliberate steps coming up the stairs. The candle dimmed. He slipped the card back into his pocket, and began undoing his shirt.

  
  


***

  
  


Matt eventually got home at just after 10:00pm, after writing up his paperwork and trying to calm down after the afternoon’s events. Dinner was waiting for him in the dining room, but he didn’t feel like eating, and instead slunk off to bed. He showered in the large bathroom, throwing his clothes on the floor with abandon. He put the shower on the hardest and hottest setting he could stand, aches ebbing away as the bullet-like water pounded his back, exorcising the day's demons.  He scrubbed himself hard, washing away all traces of the day and that horrible house.  Once clean, he sat there, curled up in a ball on the tiled floor, searing heat scorching his back, lost in thought.  He finished, wrapped himself in a newly clean towel and made his way to the master bedroom.  He caught the overpowering smell of flowers as he walked heavily across the vast expanse of landing, and eyed the display of gloriously purple hyacinths thoughtfully.  It seemed another client had been grateful for a favor, and although the house was huge, there was absolutely no more room for any more vases of flowers.  The house was covered from head to toe in them.  He tip-toed into the darkness of the bedroom, and slipped between the covers with a sigh.  
 

  


Suddenly arms were around him, and a nose poked him in the back of the neck. He felt soft lips caress the base of his skull, making their way to his ear. “Someone’s been working late,” said a low, raspy voice in his ear.

  
  


“Yeah,” Matt sighed, “Sorry Nathan, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  
  


Nathan kissed behind his ear. “Mmmm…you’re warm. Had a hard day?” he said, reaching over to switch the lights on. Matt waited until his eyes adjusted to the bright whiteness of the room before turning to face his lover. “Yeah. Well, no, not hard, just frustrating really.”

  
  


“Do you want to talk about it? Can you talk about it? As an attorney I’m very discreet you know.” He smiled. Matt sighed again.

  
  


“It was just…it was a domestic between two guys. You know they were living in a run down house in a shitty part of town. He’d obviously had the crap beaten out of him, but the guy didn’t want to complain. I know it’s the same old story, but this one just got to me. He had something in his eyes… it was just so sad. I don’t know why…Maybe it’s because they were gay. I dunno.” Nathan drew him into a hug and kissed him lightly on the lips.

  
  


“You shouldn’t let these things get to you. You know tomorrow there’ll be another one, and another and another. You can’t save them all Matt. Some people just don’t want saving.” He brushed his cheek.

  
  


“Yeah I know.” Matt would normally have argued this point if he hadn’t been so tired. Instead he fingered Nathan’s jaw absently. “I guess it just makes me think how lucky I am not to be in that situation.” He looked up at Nathan, who pulled him into a deep, longing kiss. He closed his eyes and leaned into him. For a split second, Mohinder Suresh’s pained eyes flashed into his mind. The vision disappeared instantaneously, and Matt opened his eyes to see Nathan, eyes closed, leaning into the kiss. He felt masculine hands skate across his bare torso, brushing his hips before cupping his growing erection. He groaned and sank into Nathan, saying a silent ‘thank you’ to whoever had blessed him with such good fortune.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt thinks he may have made a break through, but Gabriel's violence towards Mohinder intensifies until he violates him in the most horrific way. WARNING: Non-Con and violence

Mohinder woke up first. His face had started aching, and the open wounds left by Gabriel’s nails raking across his face were weeping. He hadn’t had a very good night’s sleep – his swollen nose had severely restricted his breathing, causing him to wake up, choking. He gently slid out of bed, and tried not to wake the sleeping form as he walked quietly to the bathroom. “Hey,” said a slightly groggy voice, “Where are you going?”

  
  


“I’m just going to wash my face. It feels a little dirty.” Mohinder motioned at the door, but Gabriel leapt up in the bed, reached over, and grabbed his hand. “Come here” he said, but his voice was soft and gentle. “Let me have a look at you.”

  
  


He gently caressed the cuts on Mohinder’s face with the tips of his fingers. “Are they sore?” he asked, brows knitting together in concern.

  
  


“A little.” Gabriel reached over and kissed him deeply. Mohinder felt his stubble on the scratches, his nose against his, and winced a little. Gabriel felt this, and pulled back, wrapping him into a hug. “I’m so sorry Mohinder. I’m really sorry. I just love you so much that it hurts sometimes, and sometimes I think you don’t love me, and I get really angry and I can’t control it.”

  
  


“Of course I love you Gabriel.” The reaction had become instinctive. He’d said the words so many times they had lost all meaning. Gabriel looked up at him. “Are you sure you do? Sometimes I just don’t know – you live so much in your head, you don’t include me. I feel so lonely sometimes. I get scared I’ll lose you, and it makes me do those terrible things. You won’t leave me, will you?” 

  
  


“I won’t leave you Gabriel. You’ll never be lonely as long as I’m here.” Mohinder said, hoping he sounded reassuring. Gabriel brought him down onto the bed. “I am sorry Mohinder. I’ll try harder next time. I promise I will never hurt you without good reason. I promise.” He kissed him on the lips. “Now you go and wash your face – I have visitors coming round today, and they don’t want to see someone with a face covered in blood.” As Mohinder got up, Gabriel smacked him on the backside.

  
  


Mohinder grabbed his jeans, and went into the bathroom. He looked washed his face carefully, dabbing the sores with cotton wool and gently feeling his nose to see if anything was broken. He caught sight of himself in the mirror, and stared.  He looked thin. Very thin. His eyes, surrounded by black circles, looked hollow and emotionless. He brought a hand up to his face, and felt his skin. It felt like paper, like the slightest touch would tear it. When had it become that fragile? He pulled on his jeans, and felt Matt’s card in his pocket. He pulled it out and stared at it for a few moments. ‘Not today,’ he thought, ‘It’s too soon. Maybe tomorrow.’

  
  


***

  


“Get him in the tank! No not the cell! The drunk tank – over there!” Matt gesticulated wildly to an open door in the far corner of the dingy corridor. He hated the cells. There had been some sort of free open-air festival in the city, and a few of the locals had taken the opportunity to get well and truly off their faces. Drunks were probably the worst prisoners – it was all about trying to prevent them from vomiting over your uniform while you guided them into the cells, and avoiding catching Hepatitis C while you were there. He’d only gone down there to check a custody record, but had gotten embroiled in the utter chaos and was now trying to direct officers and prisoners into every open cell possible. “That one! Put him in that one! No I don’t care if it’s full; they’ll have to double up!”

  
  


He felt a vibrating in his pocket, and pulled out his cell phone. It was a number he didn’t recognize. He picked it up with a cautious “Parkman,” trying desperately to maneuver his way around bodies of officers and criminals. He heard a faint voice, but couldn’t discern what was being said. Someone had managed to sneak a can into their cell, and was now banging it on the door, making the other prisoners shout out. “Could you hold on a minute, please… Hey! KNOCK IT OFF!” he screamed. It worked – the cells were suddenly deathly silent. He moved to a corner behind the custody desk, and resumed his call. “Sorry about that. How can I help you?” 

  
  


“Officer Parkman?” The voice was quiet, but unmistakably English. “It’s Mohinder Suresh.”

  
  


“Mohinder Suresh…Mohinder… Oh yes, Mohinder Suresh.” It took his brain a while to register who it was – it had been three days since he’d visited that house. “Are you ok? Has something happened?”

  
  


“I need to talk to you.” Matt could sense an urgency in his voice. “Can you come to the house today? Gabriel won’t be here until later, but please, don’t wear your uniform. Please?”

  
  


Matt thought for a moment. “You’re on 12th aren’t you? Well I knock off at 3, so I could get changed and get there about 4ish. I’ll be in my own car, so you don’t need to worry. Is that ok?”

  
  


Silence. “Mohinder?”

  
  


“Sorry. Yes. Yes that’s fine. Thank you officer, thank you.” There was a click, then the phone went dead. Matt quickly stored the number. He stepped over a waiting drunk, and pushed back into the melee.

  
  


***

  
  


He got to the house a little after four, and parked next to a faded yellow taxicab. He tapped lightly on the door. It opened a little way, and he could just make out Mohinder’s eyes staring at him. The door opened fully, and he was ushered inside, Mohinder nervously looking from left to right the whole time. He sat down on the sofa, and looked Mohinder full in the face. What he saw horrified him – he looked even worse than three days ago. Mohinder’s eyes had black circles around them, and his nose was covered in white tape. His lip looked to have split further, and he could just about discern fresh bruises on his arms.

  
  


“What has he done to you Mohinder?” Matt said, half in shock, half in anger. “And don’t you dare tell me it’s nothing.”

  
  


“It is nothing. This is nothing. He’s done much worse, believe me.” Mohinder put his hands up to his face, and tried to smile. “Would you like a drink, Officer?”

  
  


“Please call me Matt. I’m ok for now, thank you.”

  
  


“That’s ok. We probably don’t have much coffee in anyway. I’m more of a tea drinker myself and…” Mohinder trailed off. Matt noticed he was squeezing and un-squeezing his hands into tight fists, as if trying to release some tension. “Mohinder, you didn’t call me over just to make me a drink. What do you want?”

  
  


“I think…” the words got choked in his throat. His voice sounded weak and small. He coughed, took a deep breath, and began again. “I think I want to make a complaint.”

  
  


Matt stared at him. Three days ago he was adamant that nothing was going on, that everything was a misunderstanding. What had changed in him? What had Gray done that was so horrible it made him change his mind?

  
  


“You’re sure about this?”

  
  


Mohinder steeled himself again. “Yes. I’m sure. I may look like a broken man, but there’s still some pride left in me. I know Gabriel and I can’t go on like this. I know we need to get help, and you’re probably the only person who actually gives a damn.”

  
  


“In what way?”

  
  


“That card you left. With your number on. I’ve seen so many cops turn up on our doorstep, only to walk away and not do anything. Even when I still had some resolve left. You were the first person who wouldn’t leave it.”

  
  


Matt was incredulous. He always left a card with any victim – that was just the kind of guy he was.   He never believed anyone would attach some sort of deeper meaning to it.

  
  


“So when Gabriel beat me, again, I thought I’d do something about it. I want to teach him. To make him see that what he’s doing is wrong. We can help him, we really can.” 

  
  


Matt stared in disbelief. This man stood before him, beaten, bruised, battered, and yet he still wanted to help Gray, the cause of it all. He wanted to give Mohinder the big speech about how relationships just didn’t work like that, about how Gray was obviously a scumbag and didn’t deserve anyone. He looked Mohinder in the eyes, saw the hurt and fear behind them, and he couldn’t do it. He bit down on his emotions, and went into ‘professional sympathetic cop’ mode.

  
  


“Ok, I’ll need to take a statement. Now we can do that here, or we can go to a little café I know – get you out of here, and have a talk about everything. Once you’ve made a complaint, there will be a lot of things open to you – we can get you to a safe house, or a refuge or...” He saw Mohinder’s eyes widen in horror. “…or we can get Gabriel on a program – Anger Management or something. Something that will help him.” He tried to smile despite the sick feeling that rose in his stomach. Mohinder smiled weakly back. He went into the kitchen to get his coat, and Matt led him to his car. While they were outside, Mohinder tripped over a brick that lay on the path, and fell into Matt’s arms. Matt couldn’t believe how small and fragile he felt, as though he were made of air. He stood up, apologised, looking around nervously, and got into the car.

  
  


***

  
  


They chose a seat at the back of the café, where they could talk and not be observed easily. Matt got out his notebook, ready to take down everything that Mohinder told him. Mohinder wasn’t taking however, and instead just stared into his steaming tea. Matt decided he would have to start small to get the conversation flowing.

  
  


“So you’re obviously not from New York then?”

  
  


Mohinder looked up at him, and a small, genuine smile flittered across his lips. “No, no. I came to America three years ago after getting my degree.”

  
  


“Wait, you have a degree?”

  
  


Mohinder looked sheepish. “Yes, in Genetics. I studied it at Cambridge University before moving here.”

  
  


“So what do you do for a living then? Teaching, lecturing?” Matt wondered how no-one at work would have picked up on his injuries.

  
  


“Oh no. None of that. I drive a taxi.”

  
  


Matt rubbed his face with the palm of his hand. He was utterly confused. “Wait a second. You have a degree in Genetics, from Cambridge University, and you’re driving a taxi? How did that happen?”

  
  


Mohinder’s voice dropped. “Gabriel always said that the subject was a waste of time, and I should get a real job. I was never any good anyway, really. He suggested becoming a cab driver, called in a favour with a taxi firm he knew, and they put me on their books.”

  
  


Matt could see the control Gabriel had exerted over Mohinder, and it made him want to scream. He couldn’t understand how a man like Mohinder – intelligent, proud, good looking when his face wasn’t covered in bruises and scratches – how he had let someone like Gabriel beat him down so much, he’d thrown away a promising career.

  
  


“So tell me about you and Gabriel then. How did you two meet?”

  
  


There was a pause, while Mohinder seemed to ready himself. Matt observed the faintest prick of emotion in his eyes. Mohinder gave a long sigh, and began.

  
  


“I realised I was gay when I was in my teens, but never really revealed it to anyone. They don’t take too kindly to homosexuals where I come from. It’s not as liberal as America. Anyway when I finished at Cambridge, I came here to continue my studies. I met Gabriel at a party, and for the first two months, I was madly in love. I was in a foreign country, surrounded by foreign people, and he was there for me. He was my first real partner.” He smiled slightly, before the smile slipped off his face as he started to remember more details.

  
  


“We started out fine, but gradually things changed. Little things. He made little criticisms of me. He started telling me how I should dress, and who I could speak to. He was always dominant in bed, and it was a turn on at first but… he started to become very possessive. The odd smack here and there, holding me down roughly, hands around my throat almost choking me. One thing I remember vividly is that we were out walking; it was a cold day, but he suddenly asked me to take off my shirt. I refused, so he hit me and told me I was his, and I should do whatever he wanted. I was shocked, but he apologised so profusely afterwards, that I thought it was just a one-off, and probably my fault anyway. Of course, then I didn’t realise what was going on, and just went along with everything. That was the start of the downward spiral. ”

  
  


“After that it gradually got worse. He gradually wore me down. One time I was studying at his place, and he grabbed the text book out of my hand and hit me around the head with it. I tried to defend myself but he overpowered me, and nearly broke my arm. I got scared after that, and didn’t defend myself again. It was his sheer power, the sheer force of him. It was almost supernatural. I stopped studying after that, because he said it was pointless. We moved to New York, and that’s when he got me the job with the taxi firm.”

  
  


Matt stared at the grain in the table, trying to temper his anger. He placed his hands in his lap, to prevent Mohinder from seeing him clench them into fists. He gritted his teeth hard, trying desperately to keep his anger in check. This man went to Cambridge, studied Genetics, and yet felt he was no good to anybody because of that. He sucked in a breath, trying to cool the blood boiling in his ears. He desperately wanted Mohinder to see that what he was living in was wrong, wanted him to see that there was better out there, that he was worth better. There was only one way to gain his trust.

  
  


He looked up, and looked at Mohinder straight in the eye.

  
  


“You know, my boyfriend is very supportive of me,” he said, taking his time over each word so Mohinder understood.

  
  


Mohinder blinked. “Your _boyfriend_? You’re gay?”

  
  


“Yup, certainly am.” He tried to smile despite himself. “He’s always pushing me forward, telling me to better myself. I’ll be taking the detective’s exam soon; all because he told me I could do better, and has helped me achieve it. Does Gabriel ever say that you can do better?”

  
  


Mohinder looked up, and his eyes widened. “No” he said quietly. “No he doesn’t.”

  
  


“Well he should. I’m not the most intelligent person there is, I’ll be the first to admit that. But sitting here listening to you tell me you have a degree in Genetics from Cambridge University, and you’re driving taxicabs around New York? It’s a waste Mohinder, a terrible waste.”

  
  


Mohinder looked down again. Matt continued. “If my partner ever told me that I was wasting my time studying, I’d tell him he was wrong. That’s not how partnerships work. You encourage and support each other, not get belittled by the person who supposedly loves you.” He knew he was starting to lecture, but sheer frustration had driven him to it. He could see Mohinder was starting to take in what he was saying, and he didn’t want to lose the moment. “We have an equal partnership; we respect and support each other. And let me tell you, if Nathan ever laid a hand on me, I would be out that door so fast he wouldn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.”

  
  


Mohinder stared at him, suddenly animated. “It’s not like that. This isn’t the product of one hit; this is the product of months, no _years_ of being worn down. I couldn’t just leave him. Where would I go? What friends do I have? I have no family here – I would be completely on my own.” 

  
  


Mohinder looked out of the window, and stared absently into the middle distance. He was picking the skin of his thumbs again, seemingly not noticing that he was making them bleed. He sighed a long, lonely sigh. “You probably wouldn’t recognise the me of two years ago, because I am completely different now… It’s like I’m a hollow shell.  There are echoes of Mohinder in there, but the rest is just empty, desolate space. I know I can’t help myself, but I want to help Gabriel, because I can see he’s got problems. He hurts me, but he needs help. He needs it as much as I do, probably more.” 

  
  


Matt’s eyes twitched slightly. He was trying desperately to be as calm as possible. He realised with a pang of regret that this was probably the best he could have hoped for. Someone like Mohinder, who had coped with years of abuse, wouldn’t just suddenly develop a determination to leave his partner. In all of the cases he had seen, it never happened. The only thing Matt could do was follow his lead, do what he wanted, on his terms, and gradually build up his confidence in order try to get him away from Gabriel. He looked and saw Mohinder staring at him anxiously. He sighed, and held out his hand. Mohinder touched it softly, tentatively, before Matt entwined their fingers. “I’ll help you Mohinder, as best as I can.” He said, staring intently into his eyes. “I’ll help you get a normal life. You deserve it.” 

  
  


“Will you help Gabriel too? He needs it as much as I do.”

  
  


Matt gritted his teeth. “Yes, yes I’ll help Gabriel too, if that’s what you want.”

  
  


“Thank you” Mohinder said weakly. Matt led him out of the café, and was surprised to see it had gotten dark. He looked at his watch – they had been in there for nearly three hours. Nathan would be wondering where he’d got to. He led Mohinder to the car, and they drove back to the house in silence. “Come to the station tomorrow,” Matt said as they sat outside the house. “We can take pictures of your injuries and take it from there. Nine a.m. – ask for me, I’ll be there.”

  
  


***

  
  


Mohinder walked up to his front door, and turned to wave Matt off.  He stepped into the house, and walked into the kitchen to take his coat off. There was suddenly a vice-like grip on his hip, and he was wheeled around. The face that bore down on him was almost purple with anger. Gabriel’s eyes looked as though they were going to pop out of his skull. He spoke in a low, menacing whisper. “Had a good afternoon, Mohinder?” He didn’t wait for Mohinder’s reply. He punched him squarely in the nose, this time really breaking it and leaving it pouring with blood. 

  
  


“Had a good time with your cop, you little slut?”

  
  


Mohinder couldn’t see. Blood was in his eyes, and he was stumbling about blindly. “It’s not what you think Gabriel,” he half-shouted. “He’s going to help us. He’s going to help you!”

  
  


“Save the lies Mohinder! I know what you want. You want to fuck him and get rid of me.” Gabriel was incandescent. 

  
  


Mohinder wiped the blood out of his eyes. He looked at Gabriel, desperately trying to think of something to say to stem the flow of anger coming off him. “No! No! I want to help you, to help us! I want to do this for you. I love you. I want us to be like we were in the beginning, and Matt can help.” He said the words, but his heart didn’t believe them.

  
  


“Matt?! So you’re on first name terms with that fucking pig!” 

  
  


“He’s different. He’s not like the rest of them. He’ll help us. He’ll help me! He’ll help me so I don’t make you angry. He’s gay – he’s like us!” Mohinder opened his arms, pleading with Gabriel. These were ignored as Gabriel walked over to him. Instinctively, Mohinder put his arms up to shield himself from the blows, but none came. Instead, Gabriel passed him and pulled a newspaper out of his briefcase.

  


Finding the right page, he grabbed Mohinder’s hair and thrust his face into the paper. Mohinder blinked to try and focus. He could just make out Matt, but there was also another figure, strangely handsome with a chiselled jaw, wearing an impeccable suit and smiling broadly.

  
  


“There’s your ordinary cop, Mohinder. He’s fucking that politician. That’s how ordinary he is. You’re nothing to him. He’ll fuck you and leave you and go back to his mansion with his sugar daddy.”

  
  


“You’re lying.” Mohinder said weakly. Still holding on to his hair, Gabriel pulled him towards the door, opened it, and pushed him out. “Get in the car,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’m going to tell you where to drive and for once you’re going to listen.”

  
  


***

  
  


They pulled up by the side of the road, in an extremely upmarket area of the city. Mohinder got out and nearly fell to the floor. “Get up,” Gabriel said, quietly, menacingly. He gripped his arm as he guided him towards a set of wrought iron gates. They walked around the perimeter of the property and finally found a part of the fence that could be climbed over without alerting security. He pushed Mohinder over first, who landed with a thump into a patch of rose bushes. He soon followed, nimble and quick over the fence, using Mohinder to break his fall. He scrabbled to his feet, and put a foot on Mohinder’s neck while he surveyed the scene. His eyes locked onto what he wanted, and he grabbed Mohinder by the shoulders, pulling him up onto his knees. He grabbed his head and twisted it. “Over there,” he said, and pulled Mohinder’s head so it was directly in line with what Gabriel wanted him to see. Mohinder closed his eyes, in pain at the way his neck was twisted. He opened then.

  
  


He saw this huge, elaborate, beautiful house bathed in artificial lights. They were situated at the back of it, and Mohinder could make just out at least 10 different rooms on the second floor alone. His eyes fell to the first floor, where he let out a small cry. He could see Matt through a series of glass doors. He was sitting on a hefty couch, bathed in a blue light from an impossibly large television. His partner was sitting beside him, and they were both laughing. Mohinder suddenly recognised the man – he was Nathan Petrelli, a lawyer who was running for congress. He’d had no idea he was gay. He felt his heart burst inside his chest. A darkness descended over his mind. It had all been a lie. He’d told him their relationship was equal, but looking at the house, the garden, everything they had, it was clear it wasn’t. There was no way Matt could have afforded that on a cop’s wages. 

  


  


“You see Mohinder?” Gabriel’s tone was angry, but Mohinder could also discern a hint of sadistic joy which made him want to curl up in a ball. “That’s your ‘ordinary everyday working cop’. Sitting there in his mansion with his equally ordinary, everyday congressman boyfriend.” Mohinder stared at their smiling faces in disbelief. “You think he gives a shit about you? Look at him with his rich politician. He’s nothing but an upmarket rent-boy. He doesn’t care about you. They’re laughing at you right now because you are so _pathetic_!” He spat the word out. 

  
  


Mohinder stared in disbelief. He felt utterly betrayed. He’d opened up to someone for the first time in years, and it turns out that he knew nothing about what he’d been through. He had this perfect life – how could he possibly understand? He stood up, and was about to walk away when he was caught hard around the waist by Gabriel’s fist. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he said, eyes flashing. “I’ve not finished with you yet. Not by a long shot. You’re going to pay for your betrayal.”

  
  


Mohinder raised his hand to hit Gabriel, but Gabriel caught it in time and twisted it back. Mohinder bent down in agony, suddenly incapacitated as Gabriel pulled him to the ground. “Stop it Gabriel. Gabriel stop it! You’re going to break it! Gabriel please, you’re going to break my arm!” His voice rose higher with every entreaty, and tears pricked his eyes. He thought he’d given up crying a long time ago, but for some reason, being here, seeing Matt Parkman living his perfect life, some vague sense of emotion had returned, only to destroy him once more. There was an intense, horrific pain, and the sound of something snapping. He cried out once more, and fell to the floor.

  
  


He fell forward awkwardly, his head hitting a large rock half-buried in the dirt. Blows rained down on his back – he tried to cry out, but the noise got choked in with tears and stuck in his throat. Gabriel kicked him in the side as he struggled with a branch from one of the rose bushes. He managed to wrench it free, and started whipping Mohinder on his backside, his back, his sides, his legs. _Crack. _“This is what you get for betraying me.” _Crack. _ “This is what happens to cheap little whores who make eyes at other men.” _Crack_. Thorns broke off and stuck like bullets into his back, heightening the already intense pain and making him lurch forward. 

  
  


He could feel a slow trickle of blood easing its way down his temple. He tried to put his arm up to stem the flow, but yelped in pain when he realised he couldn’t bend it. He heard the sound of ripping cotton, and felt the cool night air on his back, slightly soothing his aching ribs. Gabriel gripped his sides and threw him into a rose bush, sharp branches scratching him all over, dirt penetrating the deep welts on his back.    A slimy wetness was pooling at the base of his spine, and suddenly all the colours in the world faded to grey. Gabriel pulled him over, smashing his head on the rock once more. He leant into the ground, on the brink of consciousness, when he felt Gabriel’s hand pull hard on his hair, yanking him up and cricking his neck in the process. “No you don’t,” he said savagely. “I want you awake for the next part.”

  
  


He felt frantic hands on his hips, yanking his trousers down. The buttons were still fastened, so with each yank another pinged off into the darkness. “No Gabriel. _Please._” He was barely conscious, begging for mercy in a confused daze. He shivered in pain and fear as he felt his boxers tear. “Gabriel! Gabriel don’t. We can go home and do it there. Gabriel…” a hard blow came down on his side, winding him. “The more you struggle Mohinder, the worse this is going to be. Just shut up, and relax. It will hurt a lot less if you don’t struggle.” He vaguely heard the sound of unzipping. Suddenly Gabriel thrust into him violently. He felt his opening tear, and he screamed out in pain. This served to encourage Gabriel, who thrust deeply into him, setting a brutal pace. Despite everything, Mohinder felt himself responding, as though it was something that had been beaten into him. He opened up, stretching to Gabriel’s violent thrusts, and the pain receded slightly. He could feel wetness again, and knew it was blood.  He closed his eyes, trying to think he was somewhere else. Suddenly he imagined he was on that large couch, his hand was intertwined with Matt’s, and they were laughing. He opened his eyes as the pain built to a crescendo, and tried to put his broken arm down to steady him. He crashed down onto the floor, the dirt making the open cuts on his face sting feverishly. His whole body shook in time to Gabriel’s movement, but he was beginning to fade away. He was numb, his mind swimming in a sea of blood and pain. He pulled himself up onto his one good arm, which was shaking violently, and stared ahead.

  
  


He saw Matt and his lover sitting there, holding hands, their faces bathed in the flickering blue of the television screen. Colours faded once again, and he felt himself becoming detached from his surroundings, as though he was floating above and away from his broken body. All sound had been replaced by a buzzing in his ears, which got louder and louder. He looked ahead for one last time and stared at Matt’s shining eyes. A faint shout came from behind him and he was pushed forward violently. All was white after that.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mohinder makes a frustrating decision, and Matt confronts Gabriel

Matt stared at the clock in the interview room. It was 9:15 a.m, and he was getting restless. Mohinder still hadn’t shown up, and he wondered if he had changed his mind or worse, something had happened to him. He paced up and down nervously. His radio cracked, and a voice told him that Mr Suresh was waiting for him. Mohinder was led through the door. Matt stared at him, and nearly threw up.

  
  


He had a huge lump on the side of his face, covered in dry blood and weeping slightly. His whole face was swollen heavily. The white strip still covered his nose, and his face was covered in fresh scratches. He held his arm in a sling, and winced as he walked. Matt offered him a chair, and he sat down gingerly

  
  


“I want to withdraw my statement.” His voice was steady and determined.

  
  


“What?” Matt was shocked, blindsided.

  
  


“I want to withdraw my statement.” He said again, in exactly the same tone.

  
  


“He broke your arm!”

  
  


“It’s not broken, merely dislocated. And I fell.”

  
  


“Bullshit! Why are you doing this Mohinder? Why are you letting him get away with it? Look at you! Look at what he’s done!” Matt stood up, hitting the desk in frustration.

  
  


“Do you know why he did it?” Mohinder’s voice was full of bitterness and resentment. “He did it because he saw me with you yesterday. He saw me with you, and this is what happened. I don’t want this, Officer Parkman. I was fine until you came along with your false hopes and lies!”

  
  


“Lies? Mohinder what are you talking about?”

  
  


“You withheld the truth. You never told me your partner was a congressman, that you lived in a _mansion_ for god’s sake. You made out you were this ordinary guy in a normal, equal relationship who knew what I was going through. You don’t know anything about what I’ve experienced, and if I go ahead with this, it’s just going to make things worse.” There were tears in his eyes. Matt felt sick to his core.

  
  


“Wait, no Mohinder. I didn’t lie to you. I told you I was gay, and that I understood what you were going through – that’s the truth. I am, and I do. But that’s all you needed to know. The rest of it… it’s my life, it’s private. I didn’t mean to deceive you, I want to help you.”

  
  


“You don’t want to help me at all. You think I’m just another good cause you can relate to your politician. Only it hasn’t worked, because you’ve made everything worse.” The words stung Matt. Mohinder was so bitter, so hurt.

  
  


“But surely you can see you’ve got a little bit stronger by reaching out to someone. Before you met me, you would never have even thought about coming to the police?”

  
  


Mohinder’s voice rose to a high pitched scream. “Yes but before I met you he’d never…” He stopped himself suddenly.

  
  


“He’d never what? What has he done Mohinder?”

  
  


Mohinder sat down and sighed. “Nothing. Nothing. Just let me retract my statement, ok, and you’ll never be bothered by this again.”

  
  


“I can’t let you do that, Mohinder.” Matt was determined not to let him go without a fight, although he knew that there was nothing stopping the man from withdrawing.

  
  


“Then if you won’t, I’ll find someone else who will, and I will say my initial statement was made under duress.”

  
  


“It doesn’t matter Mohinder; the State may chose to prosecute Gabriel anyway because of your injuries. It’s out of my control.”

  
  


“You need evidence. You don’t have any photographs – these wounds,” he pointed to his face, “these wounds will heal by the time anything gets to court…”

  
  


“They might, but new ones will still be there, and the ones he has left in your head will take far longer Mohinder!” Matt’s voice rose by few semitones, and he stood up quickly. He rarely raised his voice, but he was so frustrated, so angry that Mohinder was throwing the one chance he had to get out away.

  
  


Mohinder winced and shielded himself instinctively. Matt was at once horrified. He apologised, sat down again, and hummed quietly to himself, trying to temper his anger. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t force Mohinder to continue, because that would put the whole case in jeopardy. He would have to wait until Mohinder came to his senses, and hope and pray that day came before Gabriel killed him.

  
  


He pulled out his notebook, writing down every word, every untruth that Mohinder told him. Each sentence set another pang of anger to his stomach. He could see Mohinder’s eyes had turned glassy, and as he spoke, he used the same toneless voice he had when they had first met. At the end, they stood up, and stared at each other. Mohinder opened his mouth, as though to say something, but the words stuck on his tongue and he remained silent. He put out his hand to shake Matt’s. Matt didn’t respond. Instead he took a deep breath: “I think you’d better leave now,” he said, as calmly as possible. Mohinder walked quickly out of the door. If he’d had turned around, he would have seen Matt throw his notebook across the room, and slink back into the chair, utterly defeated.

  
  


***

  
  


Mohinder stepped out of the police station and disappeared down an alleyway. He was shaking violently, and his head was swimming. He leant up against the graffitied wall, trying desperately to steady himself, and stared ahead. He could feel the sun warming his dark curls, and saw a haze of heat stretch out before him. He concentrated on four flies, floating and diving around a nearby dumpster, watching their erratic rise and fall, trying to let all thoughts flow out of his mind. He tried to take a deep breath, but it got caught in his throat and he doubled over, choking violently. Bending down, he immediately threw up. He smacked his lips and wiped away the excess, thrusting a hand into his pocket to find a tissue. He stood up straight, and leant against the wall of the alley once more, tilting his head up to the sun. It lightly warmed the scratches and bruises on his face. As time went on, the light warmth turned into searing heat. His wounds scorched and burned, forever etched into his skin.

  
  


He was suddenly pulled out of his trance by loud voices. He peered around the end of the alleyway, and saw Matt exit the police station through a side door. He watched as Matt kicked a wall, before walking over to his car. He was clearly angry. Mohinder saw him pull his fist back, ready to launch it at the window of the car. He winced, waiting for the familiar crash and the smashing of glass. None came. Instead, when he opened his eyes, he saw Matt staring ahead, breathing deeply, clenching and unclenching his fists. He was shaking slightly, desperately trying to keep in control. Mohinder was incredulous; he’d never seen someone able to control his temper like that; he’d always been used to completely the opposite, seeing tempers lost in the most violent fashion. Another officer rushed out and went up to Matt. Matt looked at the other officer, and put his head in his hands. When he pulled them away, Mohinder saw his face was red, his eyes pricked with tears. The officer led him back into the station. Mohinder realised with an intense pang of guilt and regret that he had been the cause of that scene – he had been the one to make him battle frantically with his feelings. He was responsible for Matt trying desperately not to cry out of sheer frustration in front of a colleague. Him.

  
  


Mohinder stared at car, and felt panic once again rise in his stomach. He had been wrong. Desperately wrong. Despite everything, despite the mansion and the hotshot boyfriend, Matt cared. He cared enough about him to get angry and upset. Angry and upset, but taking it out on himself, not other people. The panic in his stomach intensified – his heart beat faster and faster in his chest, his breathing becoming progressively shallower. His thoughts were racing at a million miles a second. What had he done? He’d ruined the only chance he had of helping Gabriel and breaking free. Could he run back into the station? Could he find Matt, and tell him that he’d changed his mind, he wanted to press ahead with the complaint, get Gabriel help, and get away? No. He couldn’t do it. He’d be accused of wasting police time. No-one would take him seriously. No one would ever take him seriously. He’d messed it all up, just like everything else in his life. Gabriel was right…He was good for nothing… The life he led was the life he deserved…There was no breaking free from it…No-one would believe him now… He’d ruined everything… 

  
  


Hi s breathing quickened as the panic reached a crescendo. His legs shook before giving way, and he crashed to the ground with a hefty thump. A familiar buzzing returned to his ears, and he tried desperately to gulp in large breaths of air in order to stop himself from passing out. The alley, the dumpster, the flies were all swimming around him. He had to go back home. He had to tell Gabriel that he’d called the police off, and hope that this would be enough to satisfy him. He imagined Gabriel’s eyes staring at him, and for the first time he felt utter revulsion. All too quickly, this was replaced with despair. Two years. Two wasted years. Two years full of manipulation and control. Two years to realise his mistake. He’d realised too late. This was his life now, and he was stuck with it. 

  
  


He steadied his breathing, and tried to collect his thoughts. He focussed on the group of flies again, but found that the four had been reduced to two, who were lazily flying around a can of tomatoes, crashing into each other periodically.

  
  


***

  
  


Matt practically kicked open the door to the mansion. He entered the hall and was just about to punch a wall when his eye caught on something. A garishly ornate clock sat on a side table. He eyed it suspiciously, watching the seconds slowly tick by. Another present from another happy client, he assumed. This somehow served to make him more angry, and this time he did punch the wall, yelping in pain when he came up against solid resistance. He went into the living room and threw himself onto the couch in the living room, burrowing into the cushions. He heard the sound of footsteps walking nearby. “Matt what the hell??” said a voice, concerned but also slightly irritated. “What’s going on? Why are you home?”

  
  


“I got given the afternoon off.”

  
  


“Why? What for?”

  
  


“I don’t want to talk about it Nathan. Just leave it, ok?”

  
  


“I thought we were being burgled!  You know the Mason's were done last night?  That's the third this week!  Instead, I find you home after barely three hours at work.  You kick the door open, eye up my antique and very expensive clock, punch the wall and launch yourself onto the couch like a petulant child. And you say you don’t want to talk about it.”

  
  


“That’s what I said. Please leave me alone.”

  
  


Nathan bent down to his level, and whispered in his ear. “Something’s troubling you. Has something gone on today? Are you not coping or something? Is this why you’re home?”

  
  


Matt sat up, knowing that Nathan was not the sort of person to take ‘no’ for an answer. Nathan looked at his face, which was still red. His eyes skated down to his fist, which was starting to swell after hitting the wall. “Has something happened Matt? Do I need to make some phone calls?”

  
  


“No Nathan. Please, just leave it. You couldn’t do anything about it anyway.” Matt stared at his distorted reflection in the blank television screen. “It’s just that guy…you know the domestic that I was on about a couple of days ago? Well he was going to make a complaint, but then something happened. Something happened Nate, and that bastard got to him. So he came in this morning, with the crap beaten out of him, and he wanted to retract, and there was nothing I could no. Nothing.” He brought his hands up to his face, and rubbed the skin on his cheeks roughly.

  
  


Nathan sighed and shook his head. He sat down on a chair and eyed Matt thoughtfully. “I told you before Matt; there’s nothing you can do. You want to save them all but you can’t. People like that just don’t want to be saved. They’re used to it. It’s all they’ve ever known. Those types of people think it’s normal to beat up and get beaten up. They don’t know any better.”

  
  


“What do you mean ‘Those types of people’?” Matt turned away from the television and stared at him.

  
  


“You know the type I mean. The type of people who live in a run down house, in a crummy part of down, and are used to seeing people get the living daylights beaten out of them.”

  
  


Anger started to rise in Matt’s chest, for the second time that day. “You mean people like me, Nathan? Or have you forgotten where I came from? I’m one of ‘those people’ – how the hell can you sit there and say that

  
  


Nathan rolled his eyes. “You were, Matt, but I took you away from that. You’ve transcended your old life, and look what you have now.” He made a sweeping motion with his hand, showing off the opulence of their surroundings. Matt felt sick. “If this guy doesn’t want to press charges, then he’s obviously too stupid to realise that what he’s going through is wrong. I don’t know why you’re so fixated – why can’t you treat him the same as the other nobodies you deal with?”

  
  


Matt stood up, and paced around the room. He ground his teeth, and shoved his fists into his pockets. He couldn’t believe what Nathan was saying. His voice was louder than expected. “They’re not _nobodies_ Nathan, they’re real people. The guy, Mohinder? He has a degree in genetics. From Cambridge! He’s smart, but the shit he’s shacked up with has broken him – he’s taken all of that away from him.”

  
  


“So that’s enough for you to waste an afternoon lying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself, because you couldn’t help this obviously _brilliant_ man realise that he’s living with a loser.” His sarcasm was biting, and it hit Matt like a sharp punch to his solar plexus.

  
  


“Leave it, Nathan.” Matt warned.

  
  


Nathan’s eyes widened. “So what are you gonna do? Huh? Turn up in your suit of armor on a white horse and whisk him away from it? Dammit Matt! You’ve seen this thousands of times. Thousands! Why this one? Why now? What’s this guy got? What’s so special about him?”

  
  


“Don’t Nathan.” Matt said through gritted teeth. “Just don’t.”

  
  


“Don’t what?” Nathan threw his hands up in frustration. He stared at Matt. Matt stared back. A tense silence descended upon the room.

  
  


“I have to go to a dinner party tonight with the Commissioner – your boss, if you hadn’t realised,” said Nathan eventually. “I have to go and mix with real people, influential people. I don’t need this.” 

  
  


“You think I _do!_” Matt shouted loudly, edging closer to the door.

  
  


“Matt, calm down, ok? You’re overreacting again. We’ll talk about this later. Nathan spoke quietly and carefully, using the exact same tone he did when confronted with a hysterical witness.

  
  


“No we won’t you arrogant fuck! There won’t be a later!” Matt shouted, before turning around and slamming the door behind him.

  
  


He went outside, and saw Nathan’s gleaming Bentley next to his old and crappy Pinto. He walked up to it and kicked the tyres, before driving off. He needed to get away. He needed to go somewhere and calm down

  
  


He hadn’t meant to argue with Nathan, but what he’d said had sent him over the edge. He knew where he’d been when he’d met Nathan. Nathan’s mother had been caught shoplifting, and he’d been the arresting officer. He was just a rookie then, with no money, living in a poky little apartment not far from where Mohinder lived now. He’d been intimidated by the sight of Nathan coming in to the station to defend his mother, all suited up, confident and self-assured. Later it become clear during their talks about the case that Nathan was attracted to him. Because he was different. He was rough around the edges, uncultured, unrefined. Completely the opposite of what Nathan had been brought up with.   Things had come to a head when Nathan, who didn’t even know Matt was gay, pinned him up against the wall of the holding cell in a frantic, passionate kiss, and slipped a hand down his pants. After that the relationship had developed, and Matt moved in to Nathan’s home, enjoying his wealth and all the trappings it brought. When Nathan decided he wanted to run for Congress, Matt was there at his side, supporting him all the way, enjoying the ride that was Nathan Petrelli. He thought about this now with a pang of regret. All Mohinder knew was that he dated a wealthy politician. Given this fact, and this fact alone, why the hell would he know what he was going through? Matt smiled bitterly. If only Mohinder knew the whole story; if only he’d opened up in the same way Mohinder had opened up to him. Then maybe he would have understood.

  
  


He drove to where his old apartment was, and sat outside, staring at it. It was still a mess. The whole block was still a mess, but there was something joyful there, something that he missed. A couple of kids were playing with some branches on the grass outside, pretending they were knights and the branches were their swords. Their laughter and high pitched squeals filled the air, making Matt chuckle despite his low mood. He parked up, and walked to the café around the corner. He ordered himself a coffee, and sat down outside, contemplating.

  
  


Although it pained him, he had to admit that Nathan was right. There was nothing he could do. Mohinder didn’t want to make a complaint – end of story. He couldn’t force him to. He wondered why Mohinder’s case had got to him. Perhaps it was because he could see Mohinder’s potential. He was good looking, and extremely smart. He could have been so much more…

  
  


A tall figure in a white vest top passed him, pulling him out of his reverie. The dark hair and unnatural gait gave it away. It was Gabriel. What the hell was he doing here in this part of town? Matt immediately stood up, knocking his coffee across the table, and leapt after him. “Gray!” He shouted. “Gabriel Gray! Stop what you’re doing and get here now!” 

  
  


Gabriel turned slowly. Recognising Matt, he gave a wry smile. “Why, hello Officer…Parkman isn’t it? So good to see you again. I trust you are well.”

  
  


“I’m watching you _Gray_.” Matt practically spat the words out. “If you harm another hair on his head, I’ll have you in jail so fast you won’t know what’s hit you.”

  
  


Gabriel smiled a sickly smile, which stopped abruptly at his eyes. “What ever could you mean?” His voice was high, dripping with false sweetness.

  
  


“You know what I mean.” Matt’s eyes narrowed, and he pulled his hands into fists, making sure Gabriel saw.

  
  


Gabriel’s eyes suddenly turned black, and the smile dropped off his face, only to be replaced with a snarl. He spoke quietly, menacingly. “I would say you need proof before you can do anything, and as your little bird isn’t singing, you can’t do a thing.”

  
  


“Oh, there’s a lot of things I can do Gray. You just watch me.”

  
  


Gabriel’s eyes rolled back as he thought for a second. His voice went even quieter, and he leant in to Matt’s ear. “Oh I will, Parkman. I’ll watch you all right. Just like I did last night. I watched you, and your congressman in your mansion. And do you know what I was doing at the same time? I was fucking Mohinder’s brains out. I made him moan, and writhe, and _beg_, and he _loved_ it.” He smiled again. 

  
  


Matt thought back to this morning and his conversation with Mohinder. Realisation washed over him in an instant, and he felt sick. That was why he had a change of heart. It was all part of Gabriel’s sick game.

  
  


Gabriel smiled; pleased at the reaction he had induced. “I’ll see you around, Officer.” He said cheerily, before waving and sauntering off down the road. Matt walked the opposite way, back to his car. He looked at the passenger side window, and contemplated putting his fist through it. He stopped himself, and instead bit into his arm out of sheer frustration. He felt no pain; anger had made him numb.

  
  


***

  
  


Matt walked around for the rest of the afternoon in a daze. He wasn’t even aware that it was dark until he got back to his car and realised he needed to turn the lights on. He drove home slowly, ignoring the honks and protests from other motorists. He stared blankly ahead, not blinking, mind on autopilot. Once home, he trudged slowly up the stairs. He didn’t even bother to shower, and instead stripped down to his boxers and slid into the empty bed. He tired to sleep, but tossed and turned, his mind too agitated for rest. Eventually the door opened, and Nathan stood there, bathed in a dim light. He was swaying slightly. Evidently there had been more ‘party’ than ‘dinner’.

  
  


Nathan came up to him, his breath stinking of alcohol. He lazily stuck a tongue in his ear. “Matt? Matt? Matt are you awake?”

  
  


Matt pulled himself up a little. “Yes I’m awake.”

  
  


“Matt…ummm….sorr…sorry ‘bout earlier. Was an asshole.”

  
  


“It’s fine Nathan. Really. It’s fine.”

  
  


Nathan looked at him, a lop-sided grin on his face. “Can I fuck you?”

  
  


Matt shook his head. “I don’t think you’ll be able to do anything in your condition.”

  
  


“Sure…sure I can.” He kissed Matt lazily. Matt half-heartedly leant in to the kiss. He wasn’t in the mood. He’d had one of the hardest days of his life, and all he wanted to do was curl up and forget about it. Forget about the pain he was feeling, the hurt, the anger, the frustration. He felt Nathan’s tongue lick a sloppy path down his torso. Matt felt himself growing hard in spite of everything. Maybe this was the answer. Maybe he could forget about today, forget about Mohinder, and feel something more than pain. He felt Nathan tug his boxers down, and suddenly there was a warm and wet sensation on the end of his cock. A tongue lapped its way at his tip, and Matt groaned despite himself. He felt a wet hand make its way to his entrance, before a finger slipped inside. A thumb caressed his balls, while the mouth slowly slid up and down his length with intense suction. Another finger joined the first. Matt’s breath hitched as he felt his tip on the back of Nathan’s throat. It was too much.

  
  


“Fuck Nathan,” he whispered.   “I’m going to come. Nathan, Mo….Nathan fuck!” He came in Nathan’s mouth, jolting upwards, his opening pulsing against fingers which slowly slid out. He shuddered back down. Nathan looked at him, drunkenly proud of himself. He slipped into the other side of the bed, and was asleep in no time. Matt lay there, still awake, still thinking. It hadn’t worked. For a few brief moments he felt something more than hurt and frustration, but after his orgasm had receded, all of those emotions returned, doubling in intensity. Nathan was snoring. Matt tried to key in to the rhythm of it. After a while, he fell to sleep, images of Gabriel Gray’s sneering face scorched into his brain. 


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mohinder makes a momentous decision, and suffers the consequences. Matt has a lead on the burglaries, one that may put Nathan in danger.

Mohinder sat on the tatty couch and stared at the clock on the wall. Ten thirty. Ten thirty, and he didn’t have anywhere to be. He watched the hand tick slowly round the face of the clock, counting every slow, agonising second. The aching in his bones had gotten worse. It had been a week since that hideous night, a week since he’d retracted his statement, taking the easy way out and returning to his miserable life. He felt so _tired_. The tiredness went down into his core; it permeated his whole body like a cancer.   He lived every day like he was crawling in agony through time, waiting for the day when he could finally give in and be at peace.

  
  


He contemplated his surroundings. The house desperately needed a clean. Dust seemed to have settled everywhere. The front windows were covered in some sort of greasy film, and hadn’t been cleaned for weeks. His eyes fell to the carpet, where small trails of mud and dirt weaved their way across the floor. He followed one trail, which came to a halt near the imprint of a size twelve boot. He suddenly felt an intense pang of regret. He remembered when the owner of those size twelves had sat next to him on the couch, staring into his eyes with a cool determination, and promised to knock on every door in the street to find out what had happened to him… Mohinder snapped himself out of his reverie, and got up. His body and mind may be slowly disappearing, but at least he could say he kept a clean home.

  
  


Searching in the kitchen, he found a cloth and some polish, and set about getting rid of the marks on the wall in the living room. He had always loved cleaning – it seemed to trigger something in his brain. If ever he were faced with a tricky problem or concept, he would always mull it over while cleaning, and somehow come to the right conclusion. He cleared dust away from the mantle piece, watching as it floated in the sunlight and gradually came to rest on the carpet. His mind went back to that horrible night and the aftermath. Gabriel had been pleased that he’d retracted his statement, but that hadn’t lasted for long. It took nearly dying to make him realise that he was just a toy to Gabriel. A toy that he manipulated and beat, and it didn’t matter what he did, there would always be something else that would make him angry and hateful. He was fed up of the mind games. He’d stared at Matt and Nathan, sitting in their mansion, enjoying their wealth and each other’s company. That could have been him. It should have been him. If his life had turned out differently, he could have been sitting there in a big house, with someone who loved him, laughing together. Instead he was stuck here, trying to make out the abject terror he felt was love, that the aching in his bones was longing for his lover, and the scratches and the bruises were the result of loving, consensual experimentation.

  
  


He cleaned the window sill, and stared at the flecks of blood that still peppered it. He remembered how he had watched Matt stare at them when he first came in to the living room, how he had instantly known it was his blood. He scrubbed at the little red marks, slowly washing each one away. What was it that Matt had said? It was a waste. A waste that someone who had a degree was driving a taxi. He scrubbed the last of the marks away. Matt was _right_. Mohinder walked to the wall, and set about attacking a particularly stubborn stain scrubbing for all his might. As he scrubbed, an image popped into his brain. He saw The University of Madras in all its glory. He saw his mother standing next to a wall, crying. As he inched closer, he could see an inscription, carved into the stone: “In memory of Mohinder Suresh… And All That Could Have Been.” The image made him feel sick. Was that it? Was that the end? All that wasted potential? All that could have been, but never was? The more he thought, the more something seems to spark in his mind. 

  
  


Slowly, slowly, a strange feeling built up in his stomach. The dim candle flickering in his head slowly got brighter and brighter, as though someone had added more oxygen to his brain. He didn’t want to have a life of wasted potential. He didn’t want to be remembered for never achieving anything. He could go back. He could go back to university, start to teach, and study for a doctorate. He’d earn enough money then. He and Gabriel could move into a better house, and he could taste some of the life that Matt had.   It was like the scales had fallen from his eyes suddenly. He could see his surroundings for the first time, and something like revulsion built up in his throat. It _was_ a waste that he was driving taxis. A terrible waste. He had a degree in Genetics. A degree from Cambridge University. Why had he ever believed that he wasn’t any good? His heart started thumping in his chest, and something he hadn’t felt in a long time rose up in his stomach. It was determination. Hard, strong _resolve_. He threw the cloth and polish down, and ran upstairs to the bedroom.

  
  


Lifting up a corner of the carpet, Mohinder heaved up a floorboard. They were still there. Gabriel hadn’t found them. All of his old text books from University, all of the research papers he had written while working on his doctorate, all of it was still there. He picked up a book – Gregory’s _Applications of Genetics_. He thumbed through it, marvelling at the meticulous pencil notes he had made to each page, some boldly questioning the validity of some of Gregory’s theories. He heaved the piled of books onto the bed, throwing up clouds of dust as they hit the cushions. He sat there, surrounded by books and notes, absorbing everything. He became lost in the work, as if he were discovering his love of the subject all over again. Hours passed as he familiarised himself with genomes, human evolutionary origins, variations, how much he couldn’t stand Brooker’s theories on human population. A small laugh escaped him when he saw he’d written ‘arsehole’ in the margin next to one crackpot theory on human evolution. He sighed, lost in memories. It was then he heard the front door click.

  
  


He froze. Resolve suddenly turned to panic. He leapt onto the floor, frantically trying to stuff the books back under the floorboards. Slow, deliberate steps mounted the stairs. Mohinder started to fumble with the books, dropping them on everywhere. The door opened, and he was met with Gabriel’s face staring at him. There was a smile at first, but the smile dropped, and his eyes narrowed when he realised what Mohinder had been doing.

  
  


“What are you doing Mohinder?” he asked, slowly and quietly.

  
  


“I’m just….I’m just.” He stopped himself. Staring at Gabriel, revulsion, more than fear, swelled up in his stomach. He steadied himself, and stood up. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I’ve made a decision. I’m going back to study. I can get my doctorate, become a lecturer, and start earning decent money. We can move out of here, out of this neighbourhood, and start living the life we deserve. I want to do it, Gabriel, for both of us.” The last part came out so quiet, Mohinder wasn’t even sure he’d convinced himself. 

  
  


“What?” Gabriel’s eyes narrowed further, but his voice was steady and calm. “What are you talking about Mohinder? You earn enough with your taxi driving. Besides, we decided that you weren’t cut out to do a PhD. It was too hard for you.” He smiled. 

  
  


“But I’ve reconsidered.” Mohinder tried to curb his shaking. “I can go back to learning. It would only take me a year at the most because of the work I’ve already done. We deserve better, Gabriel. I deserve better.” Instantly Mohinder put a hand up to his mouth. The last part had just slipped out. He had only meant to think it, not say it. His shaking got worse.

  
  


Gabriel’s smile got wider. Mohinder looked down to his hands, and saw that they were clenched tightly. He knew what was coming, but for some reason, after two long years of beatings and beratings, he’d suddenly lost the will to try and stop it, to try and temper Gabriel’s anger. Gabriel bent down slowly, still maintaining eye contact with Mohinder, and picked up a text book. He flicked through it, slowly, and nodded with understanding. “Fascinating,” he said. He stared at Mohinder. For a brief moment, there was a deafening silence. Then suddenly, the corner of the text book hit Mohinder with full force in the face.

  
  


His head jerked back, and he could feel his mouth filling with blood. He wiped his face, smearing crimson onto the sleeve of his shirt. Gabriel punched him in the stomach, and rained down blows onto his back. He threw him face-first into the wall, punching the back of his head. Mohinder’s mind was swimming, on the brink of consciousness. He blinked, desperately trying to focus, and saw the window. He focused on the latch – it was down, meaning that a simple push would open it. Gabriel was still hitting him in the back and yelling incoherently, but the more he stared at the window, the further away Gabriel seemed. Something snapped in his mind. It was either one of two things – he could die, beaten at the hands of a man he thought he’d once loved, or die on his own terms. Fate was on the other side of that window, out in the great world below it. All he had to do was leap out and grab it.

  
  


He steadied himself, and felt his heart beating in his chest. A strange feeling enveloped him, a feeling he had not felt in a long time. It was determination; a sense of purpose. A sense that he was doing the right thing. Another blow hit him on the shoulder. He turned around, and with the little strength he had left, pushed Gabriel away. Gabriel tripped over the bed and smashed his face into the opposite wall, reeling from Mohinder’s sudden show of strength. Mohinder stared at him, lying on the floor with his nose bleeding. He suddenly looked so small. Gabriel raised himself, eyes red and filled with pure hate. Mohinder knew that stay or jump, his life was over. He took a deep breath, and launched himself, shoulder first, out of the window.

  
  


***

  
  


The shrill ringing of the cell phone woke Matt with a start. He was trapped in Nathan’s legs and the bedclothes. Fumbling around, he heard Nathan groan before he finally found his phone. He stood up, and flipped it open. It was Monaghan.

  
  


“Parkman? You’d better get down to the hospital. That guy Suresh? The one who got beaten up? He was brought in yesterday in a pretty bad way. He’s just woken up, and has asked to see you.”

  
  


“Where’s Gray?” Matt asked, urgency evident in his tone.

  
  


“Disappeared. We checked the house – looks like he’s taken some things and fled. Inevitable really – doctors said Suresh could have died if a neighbour hadn’t called the ambulance straight away. He jumped out of a second floor window.”

  
  


“I’ll be there right away.”

  
  


Matt coughed down the nausea he was feeling and frantically rushed around the room to find his pants. Nathan got up and watched him lazily. “What’s going on, babe? What’s the hurry?”

  
  


“It’s that guy. The one I told you about before. He’s in hospital. He’s been beaten pretty badly.”

  
  


Nathan rolled his eyes. “For god’s sake Matt! You can’t let it go, can you? Someone else can go and be the hero – it’s your day off!”

  
  


“He’s asked for me Nathan. _Specifically_. I can’t leave him, I have to go and see how bad he is. I may be the only one who can help him.”

  
  


“Oh it’s always you Matt. You’re always the one who has to save everyone. Have you ever stopped to think you may need saving yourself?”

  
  


“Nathan, I don’t have time to talk about it now. I have to go.”

  
  


Nathan stared at him. “If you go,” he said quietly, “don’t think about coming back.” 

  
  


“Nathan!” Matt pleaded, “Nathan don’t be like that. Please understand. It’s my job!” Matt saw Nathan bite his lip, and went over to him, trying to hug him. “We’ll talk about this when I get back.”

  
  


“Just go.” Said Nathan, without looking him.

  
  


Matt rushed down the stirs, stopping momentarily to eye the hideous clock in the hall. He felt like he wanted to smash the awful thing to pieces, only he didn’t have the time. He jumped into the Pinto and drove off. Looking up at the bedroom window, he saw Nathan standing there, half-naked, watching him leave.

  
  


***

  
  


It took three people at the hospital to tell him where Mohinder was, and when he eventually found him, he was told he couldn’t go into the room because Mohinder had visitors. ‘Gabriel,’ Matt thought. He pulled his gun out, and barged his way into the room. He saw Mohinder lying in bed, face all red and swollen, surrounded by two gentlemen in suits. He recognised one of them.   Martinez was a detective at the precinct – the other guy was probably his partner, but Matt had never seen him before. Mohinder looked up and immediately cried “Matt!” before his face doubled up in pain at the outburst.

  
  


Martinez spoke. “Officer Parkman? I didn’t know you were involved with Mr Suresh?”

  
  


Matt went slightly red at this suggestion. “Depends what you mean by ‘involved,’” he said, steeling himself. “I’ve been overseeing a domestic case between Mr Suresh and his partner Mr Gray.” He stared at Mohinder, trying desperately to convey some silent reassurance to the stricken man.

  
  


“And are you aware of Gray’s other activities?”

  
  


Other activities? What could they mean? And if there were ‘other activities,’ why hadn’t he been made aware of them? Whatever happened to ‘inter-departmental co-operation’?

  
  


“No,” he said clearly, “I am not aware of any other activities that Gray might be involved in. I dealt purely with the domestic, and no complaint was made.” He couldn’t help himself; he had to stare at Mohinder. Looking into his eyes and seeing the pain there, he instantly regretted it.

  
  


“Officer Parkman, could you come outside for a moment?” said Martinez. Matt nodded an assent, and went to walk outside. “Matt!” Mohinder cried weakly. Matt looked over to him. “Don’t worry Mohinder, I’m coming back. Stay there with the detective, and I’ll be back really soon.” He stepped outside the room, shut the door.

  
  


“What the hell is going on here?” His tone was hushed, but also annoyed. He couldn’t believe that he had been left out of something so obviously important that it needed two detectives to question someone in their hospital bed. Martinez’s voice was quiet, almost imperceptible. 

  
  


“We have reason to believe Mr Suresh’s partner is involved with a well known criminal family – the Campbells. Have you heard of them?”

  
  


Matt had, although not through the police. The Campbells had been famous where he grew up – extortion, protection, fraud, you name it, they were involved in it. “Yes, I’ve heard of the Campbells. But how did Gray get involved with them?”

  
  


“You probably already know that Gray is a clock maker by trade. It seems the Campbells have branched out into forgery and burglary, and they called upon him to help them, paying him pretty generously. He would make copies of antique clocks, and put a tiny camera in each face, which would be almost imperceptible to the owner. The footage would be broadcast on a specific frequency, allowing someone to watch whatever the camera saw. Once sold, inevitably to someone with a lot of money, the clock would be placed in a prominent position in the house, giving anyone watching a full view of what was on offer. It would also let them know when the owner of the house was out, so they could time their actions perfectly. It’s been working well--four houses have been broken into this week alone. We’ve had a man on the inside for a couple of months, gathering enough evidence to be able to smash the Campbells once and for all. We were on the cusp of making arrests, when your man in there decided to launch himself out of an upstairs window. Now Gray has fled in the knowledge that the police will be on to him, and leaving us without a key piece of the jigsaw, meaning all the work we have done so far has come to nothing.” 

  
  


His voice sounded tired, and bitter. Matt, on the other hand, was shaking, daring himself to ask the question that seemed to be stuck in his throat. “So, do you think Mohinder’s involved?” he said, hoping against hope that the answer would be no.

  
  


“No – we know he’s had nothing to do with the burglaries or the Campbells. He’s just some guy Gray beat the crap out of when he had a bad day. It’s up to you what you do with him now. Mark my words Parkman – keep him safe, because if Gray comes back, he will probably kill him.”

  
  


Martinez walked back inside and spoke to his partner. They both shook Mohinder’s hand, and left. Matt stood outside, trying to compose his thoughts. What would he tell Mohinder? He steadied himself, took a deep breath, and walked back in to the room.

  
  


He looked at Mohinder, and felt his heart break into a million pieces. He lay almost lifeless on the bed, face bruised and swollen. His hair was matted with blood, and there were cuts on his arms and torso. He was a mess. A total, complete, and utter mess. Matt didn’t know what to say, and instead pulled up a chair next to the bed. Mohinder stared at him, watched him sit down, and then broke. He started moaning, a high-pitched primal wail escaping from his battered lungs. His shoulders shook violently, tears gushing down his face. Matt instinctively drew him into a hug, pulling him into his shoulder and laying a hand on the back of his neck. He made low shushing noises into his hair, patting his back and rocking him gently. 

  
  


Mohinder starting talking into his shoulder, fighting to keep the sobs down. “I…didn’t think you’d come. I hoped and prayed, but didn’t think you would, not after everything. I’m so, so sorry. So very sorry.”

  
  


“Shhh Mohinder, shhh.” Matt too was fighting hard, trying desperately not to cry. “I’m here. I’ll always be here. It was never in any doubt. He’s not coming back Mohinder, he’s gone. I’m here for you now.”

  
  


Mohinder pulled back, and wiped his eyes with his one good arm. “I thought I was going to die. He would have killed me, so I thought I’d do it myself. I leapt out of the window to get away from him. I thought it was the end. It probably should have been. Now he’s gone, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go.” His breathing became rapid, and his eyes went glassy.

  
  


Matt stared. He didn’t know what to say. He’d heard similar stories hundreds of times before, but being here, now, caught in the aftermath, trying to comfort a broken man who was slowly starting to panic, he didn’t know what to say. He thought for a moment.

  
  


“When I was 13,” he said quietly, tracing a finger along the hem of the bed sheet, “My Dad walked out on me. He owed a lot of people a lot of money, and instead of facing up to what he had done, he ran away, leaving me and my mom destitute. Suddenly I was the man of the house, and I didn’t know what to do. We lived in an apartment on the Lower-East Side; my mum took a load of menial jobs just to try and keep me in food and clothes, just so I could go to school, get an education, and get a good job at the end of it. I helped out – paper rounds, car washing, baby-sitting, you name it, I did it. Just so we could survive.” 

  
  


He looked up, and saw that Mohinder’s breathing had calmed down. He was no longer crying, but sat up, listening intently. “We did survive, Mohinder. What you see now is a product of all of that. We can choose to let our experiences get us down, choose to launch ourselves into a grave and let ourselves be covered over. Or, we can choose to take those experiences and let them shape our future.” He couldn’t quite believe that such words were coming out of his mouth. “You can sit here and wish you were dead, or you can say ‘I’ll show him. I’ll show everyone.’ You can do it Mohinder, I know you can.”

  
  


Mohinder spoke, painfully and quietly. “Before I met you, I wouldn’t have believed that was possible. It’s like you re-ignited something in my soul, Matt, and I want to do it, for myself, but also for you, because you are the only person I’ve met in two years who has had any faith in me. And you don’t even know me that well.” 

  
  


There was a faint sparkle in his eyes, which made Matt’s heart skip a beat. “Gabriel’s not coming back, Mohinder. He got involved with some very dangerous people, and now he’s fled, like the coward he is. You have a chance to rebuild your life now. You can do all those things you want to do, the things he stopped you from doing. You don’t have to live in fear any more.”

  
  


“But what if he does come back? I can’t go back to that house. What if he finds me?” Panic rose again.

  
  


“We’ll put you in a safe-house, in another part of town. He won’t know where you are. There’ll be people keeping an eye on your old place in case he shows up, and if he does, he’ll be arrested.

  
  


“But who will keep an eye on me?”

  
  


Matt thought for a second. “I will. I’ll look after you Mohinder. Don’t you worry.” For only the second time since they’d met, he saw Mohinder smile. It was tinged with pain, as his face was so swollen, but a smile nonetheless. Tears welled up in his eyes. “Thank you.” He said.

  
  


Matt smiled, and looked up at the clock in the room. It was nearly three o’clock, and Nathan would probably be getting tetchy. He would have to be getting back soon. He stared at the clock, and then something clicked in his brain. He leapt up, startling Mohinder slightly. “Sorry Mohinder, sorry, but I have to call my partner. I’ll be back in a second.”

  
  


He suddenly rushed outside, and frantically keyed in Nathan’s number.

  
  


“Nate?”

  
  


“What do you want Matt? I think we said all we had to say this morning.”

  
  


“Nathan, Nathan you’ve got to listen to me. That clock in the hallway, can you take a look at it?”

  
  


“What is this Matt?”

  
  


“Nathan please just trust me. Go take a look at the clock.” He heard footsteps on the line, a crackling, and then Nathan’s voice. “Got it. What am I looking for?” Matt didn’t know. “Is there anything strange about the face?” He could hear Nathan humming quietly to himself.

  
  


“Mmmm no – two hands, a load of numbers. I would deduce this is a pretty average clo…. Wait. Wait there is something.”

  
  


“What? What is it?”

  
  


“In the middle of the hands – there’s a tiny red light.”

  
  


“Bastard! Ok Nathan stay there – Don’t touch the clock. I’ll have officers round in a moment. I’ll see you later.” He hung up on the sound of Nathan complaining. He sighed, and went back into the room. 

  
  


“Is everything ok?” Despite his aches and emotional turmoil, Mohinder looked worried.

  
  


“It’s fine Mohinder, it’s fine.” He thought for a second. “I’m sorry about before. I should have been honest with you about me and Nathan. I know what it must have seemed like.”

  
  


“It’s ok,” Mohinder sighed. “I guess it was all part of Gabriel’s manipulation. Whatever you have, from what you’ve just told me about your childhood, you’ve worked hard for it. I guess it puts my life into context.”

  
  


“No, no Mohinder. You were right. You see, it’s all his. The mansion, the cars, the lifestyle. It’s all his. I’m just a poorly paid cop. I’m well aware if we ever split up, I’d have hardly anything. I’m not under any false impression.” His eyes fell to the floor, and he started making skid marks with the rubber soles of his shoes. He looked up, and saw Mohinder looking at him with wide eyes.

  
  


“So,” he began, slowly, “Are you staying with him because you’re scared of being alone?”

  
  


“No, no. That’s not it at all.”

  
  


“You love him, though?”

  
  


There was suddenly no sound, save for the beating of Mohinder’s heart monitor, which gradually quickened with each second that passed by. “I have to go, Mohinder,” Matt said eventually, “but I’ll be back tomorrow with details of a house you can stay in. You have my number, so if you need any help, get one of the nurses to call me. I’ll come straight away.”

  


   
He stepped out of the room and walked down the corridor to the exit. He found a bench outside, and sat there, head in his hands, thinking silently. The question had been left hanging in the air, even though Matt knew the answer. He suspected Mohinder did too. He radioed through to Monaghan to start looking at suitable safe-houses, then got up and walked slowly back to his car, thinking deeply


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt realises he is getting to close to Mohinder, and Nathan commits a selfless act, one which Matt, reluctantly, has to follow.

Matt parked a little way down the street, and walked up to the house with a green door. It was a lovely spring day, and a group of kids were playing in the street. One of them, a girl of about nine with strawberry blonde hair skipped up to him. “You’re Matt, aren’t you?” she said, full of confidence. 

Matt was taken slightly aback, but smiled at her. “Why, yes I am. And who are you?”

  
  


“I’m Molly. You look after Mohinder don’t you? He helps me with my homework sometimes – he’s really smart. Mohinder said you were his guardian angel.” Matt laughed at this. 

  
  


“I wouldn’t quite say that. Mohinder does a good job looking after himself.” He noticed Molly’s friends beckoning her. “I think someone wants you to go back and play.” She smiled, and skipped off to join them. Matt walked up to the door, and rung the bell. He heard the latch go, before seeing Mohinder’s face peeking through a crack in the door. “Someone’s late,” he said, smiling and opening the door to let him in.

  
  


It had been three months since Mohinder had left the hospital. Three months since Gabriel had fled, leaving him for dead. Three months since they’d found a suitable safe-house for him to live in, in a fairly respectable neighbourhood. He wasn’t too far from the police station, meaning that Matt could drop by most days on his lunch hour, checking that everything was in order and that, above all, Mohinder was coping. Indeed, he was positively thriving. The house smelt of cinnamon and jasmine, and the heady, spicy smell of Indian cookery. Everywhere was spotlessly clean; something Mohinder had been slightly obsessive about. It was understandable, given what he had come from.

  
  


“You’re late.” Mohinder said again. “I expected you at five-thirty.”

  
  


“I’m sorry Mohinder, but I got caught up with paperwork. You know how long it takes me sometimes. I’m here now.” Matt smelt the air. “That smells wonderful.”

  
  


“Any longer, and you would have smelled burning.” Said Mohinder, a smile evident in his voice.

  
  


Matt went in to the back room, to find that Mohinder had laid two places at the table. He settled down into one, and watched Mohinder dish up, marvelling at the change in him in just a short period of time. Gone was the lowered head and submissive body language, replaced instead by someone steadily growing in confidence. The scratches and bruises on his face and arms, although still evident, were gradually beginning to heal and fade.

  
  


“It’s pepper rasam. And yes, don’t look so scared; those are vegetables.” 

  
  


“Hey! I come here to make sure you’re ok, not to be insulted, Mister.” Matt smiled. Mohinder looked into his eyes and smiled back. Matt thought, not for the first time, what a glorious sight that smile was.

  
  


Mohinder came to sit down opposite him, stirring his food and looking at Matt, eyes shining.

  
  


“I met a young girl outside,” said Matt. “She said you’d been helping her with her homework.”

  
  


“Oh that was Molly. She lives next door. She’s a wonderful girl, very intelligent for her age. Her parents, the Walkers, came round a few days after I moved in to welcome me to the neighbourhood. She comes in occasionally, and I try help her with her science homework. Not that she needs much help, really. I can’t do the physics, but the biology I’m pretty good at.” He looked down at his plate and smiled.

  
  


Matt looked at Mohinder. “So… have you given any more thought to your mother’s offer?”

  
  


Mohinder sighed. His mother had called a few days ago, unaware of where he now found himself. There was apparently a research seat available at the University of Madras, and she had put Mohinder’s name forward as someone to be considered. It meant he could continue his studies, and finally become a doctor. He wouldn’t start for about a month, meaning he could get everything in order before he left. He was still undecided.

  
  


“No. I haven’t made any decisions yet. I think I’ll see if there’s anything in New York or the surrounding areas first.”

  
  


“You’re going to have to decide soon Mohinder. I don’t think they hold those seats open forever.” Matt looked at Mohinder, who seemed slightly crestfallen. “You have to do what’s right for you. You only need to look after yourself now.” He placed his hand gently on Mohinder’s, and looked him in the eye, smiling. Mohinder’s eyes shone, and he smiled back. “I will make a decision. I promise. Just not now.”

  
  


They finished their meal, which Matt declared as ‘delicious,’ and both stood at the sink to wash up. Matt washed, passing the plates and utensils over to Mohinder to dry. He passed over a large bowl, which Mohinder nearly dropped. Matt managed to catch it, and found their hands entwined around its edge. They stared at each other for a few moments, both holding the bowl and each other, unsure of what to do. Matt gently took his hands away, and carried on washing up, hoping the heat of the water would lend an excuse to the burning he now felt on his face. He stole a glance at Mohinder a few times, only to see the other man frantically drying off every last drop of water.

  
  


They finished, and sat down on the couch together, talking about what they had done that day. Matt went into all the weirdos he had to deal with, while Mohinder listened intently, throwing his head back and laughing when Matt did an impression of his superior. Mohinder had never met the man; he hoped he never would, for fear of bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

  
  


“So how was your day?” Matt said, when the laughter had died down.

  
  


Mohinder suddenly looked down. “Oh, it was ok, I guess.” He said, but there was a heaviness to his voice.

  
  


Matt knew something was wrong. “Doesn’t look like it was ok to me. What’s wrong?”

  
  


“Nothing. Nothing.”

  
  


“Is it about India?”

  
  


“No, no, nothing like that…I was helping Molly this afternoon. It’s been warmer, so I was wearing a t-shirt. We were doing some mono hybrid crosses, and she noticed this.” He rolled up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal a long, thin scar on the top of his arm. “She wondered what it was and where I got it from, and I couldn’t tell her. I was ashamed.”

  
  


“Ashamed? Ashamed of what?”

  
  


“I don’t know really. I guess… I guess the scars remind me of something I never want to go back to. I just think… I’m just worried that people will see these scars and be put off. Like I’m damaged goods.” He looked at Matt in earnest, and was slightly dismayed to see Matt smiling.

  
  


“I don’t think anyone will be put off. Hey, you wanna see scars Mohinder, I’ll show you scars.” Matt started to take off his shirt, revealing four round scars on his chest. Mohinder stared, fascinated. “These,” said Matt, pointing at each one, “These are from when I thought I could handle a robbery on my own. I got called to a convenience store, just in time to see the perps running out. I tried to chase them, caught one, but the other had a gun and shot me four times in the chest. Nearly died and…” he stopped short, suddenly aware of how intently Mohinder was staring at them. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. They’re probably quite shocking. I guess I’m used to them.” Worry flashed over his mind – the last thing he wanted to do was scare Mohinder.

  
  


“I think they’re beautiful,” Mohinder said quietly. “I always knew you were a hero, and these just prove it.” 

  
  


Matt bit his lip, trying desperately to stem the redness that was travelling from his cheeks down to his throat. “No they’re not.” He laughed, nervously, “they just remind me of a time when I was stupid and inexperienced. I’ve learnt my lesson now.”

  
  


“Can I touch them?” Mohinder said suddenly, staring deep into his eyes. “Please – if you don’t mind. I really would like to touch them.” Matt nodded, and Mohinder gently, very gently, placed a hand on Matt’s chest. Matt thought his skin would catch fire from the touch; he had to concentrate hard on breathing normally, and tried to quell the beating in his chest. Mohinder pressed a thumb into the lowest scar, just above his abdomen, and slowly circled it around the soft pink skin.   Matt bit his lip to suppress a moan, and used all of his strength to prevent himself from sinking into Mohinder’s touch. Mohinder carefully moved up to the scar which nested in his rib cage, slowly, tenderly caressing it like it was a rare orchid. The flat of his palm moved up to his right pectoral, fingers dipping into the small but deep hole just below his nipple. Finally, he placed his hand over the one nearest Matt’s heart, and let out a tiny gasp. “So close,” he whispered. “So close to being the end of you, and yet now it’s just nothing more than a red circle.” Matt’s heart beat faster and faster in his chest. Mohinder looked up at him, face inching closer and closer. “Just an inch to the right and you would be dead. You wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have saved me.” They were so close – Matt could smell Mohinder’s scent, hear the slight hitch in his breathing. Closer. He could feel Mohinder’s heart beating faster, faster, felt the dampness of his breath as he tilted his head up. So close…

  
  


Matt’s cell phone rang, and they both jumped back with a start. He went into the kitchen, frantically trying to do his shirt up and answer the phone at the same time. Mohinder sat on the couch, trying to catch his breathing and stop himself from shaking. Three months. Three months, and he had fallen hopelessly, helplessly in love. Matt was the complete opposite of Gabriel. He was kind, gentle, generous, supportive. He was also broad, and strong, and _safe_. Sometimes he got frightened, in the house on his own. Sometimes, a slight noise would set him off, or he would have a nightmare about _those_ times. When this happened, he would think about Matt. Think about his strong arms wrapped around him. Think about him comforting him, like he did that day in the hospital, telling him that he was there, and everything would be all right. At first, he put his feelings down to intense gratitude towards Matt, the man who had saved him from almost certain death. However, as the weeks went on, he got to know the person, not just the cop. He got to know his funny, self-deprecating sense of humour; his aversion to any green foodstuff; his love of long, hot baths; the characteristic wiggle of his behind when he walked; the dimples in his cheeks whenever he smiled… The intensity of the feeling he had whenever Matt came around, the searing feeling on his skin whenever they touched accidentally, the fluttering of his heart when ever he smiled at him, made him certain it was more than just mere gratitude; it was _love_. 

  
  


Of course, Matt was still with Nathan. Even though Mohinder realised that something was not quite right between them – phone conversations that ended abruptly, Matt’s sometimes terse refusal to talk about his home life, the fact that Nathan was currently on a two week vacation in Las Vegas, and hadn’t taken Matt with him, despite Mohinder’s protests that he would be ok with having someone else keep an eye on him for those two weeks – they were still together. Mohinder hoped that one day Matt would leave Nathan, and it was this hope, and this hope alone, that prevented him from taking the research seat in India.

  
  


Matt walked back in to the living room, still slightly pink. “That was Nathan,” he said. “His plane has landed, so I’m going now to pick him up from the airport. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for dinner – I’d cook you something in return, but I’m not very good in the kitchen, so unless you’re a big fan of toast, you’re going to find the menu very limited.” He smiled nervously. 

  
  


“I quite like toast.” Mohinder smiled back. He put his hands behind his back, and started to pick at the skin around his thumbs. They said their goodbyes, and Matt stepped out into the street. Mohinder watched him walk up the street, before closing the door, and leaning up the other side of it, sighing to himself.

  
  


Matt sat in his car, made sure Mohinder wasn’t looking, and banged his head against the steering wheel. Everything had gotten out of hand. In three months he had seen Mohinder blossom into something truly wonderful, and he had fallen in love. Completely and utterly. And there wasn’t a single thing he could do about it. He thought about Nathan, and a pang of guilt hit him in the gut. Nathan had helped him through some tough times, Nathan had been there for him, given him a home, encouraged him to further himself. If he left, he would have nowhere to go. He owed Nathan a _lot_. He couldn’t leave him, no matter how much he loved Mohinder. No matter how blissful the past two weeks without Nathan had been, eating dinner together, sitting on the couch talking about their days, watching television and laughing together. He couldn’t do it.

  
  


He drove to the airport, mind racing with the events of that evening. He walked in to the terminal, and waited. After about 15 minutes, he saw Nathan’s familiar figure coming towards him, dragging two suitcases. He smiled and waved at Matt. “You didn’t have to meet me you know.” He said as he walked near, “You could have sent the driver.” He drew Matt into an affectionate hug, patting him on the back. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” he said into Matt’s neck. The suitcases were put into the car, and they drove back to the house, Nathan telling him how well Mr Linderman looked, and how he had lost an obscene amount of money playing Blackjack, but managed to claw it back again when he realised who the person trying to hustle him was, and how a little ‘gentle persuasion’ can work wonders on some people.

  
  


They sat down to supper, even though Matt didn’t feel hungry. Nathan talked animatedly about how Linderman was going to donate 2 million dollars to his campaign, which meant he was finally a strong contender for congress. Matt scowled, wondering how a man who was at best ‘morally dubious’ could just throw 2 million at a campaign.

  
  


“How is Mohinder?” Nathan asked suddenly.

  
  


Matt was taken slightly aback. “Oh. He’s doing good, really good.”

  
  


“Oh that’s great. So he’s on the mend then.”

  
  


“Oh yeah. Yes. Well, there’s still a long way to go. I mean, he’s been through a lot, and you don’t just forget that kind of stuff in a few months.”

  
  


“But you’ll help him through it, right?”

  
  


“Yes, yes of course I will.”

  
  


“For how long?”

  
  


“For… for as long as it takes.” Matt said.

  
  


Nathan looked at him intently, and then stared down at the table. For the first time, Matt noticed a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Well Matt, I said I’d been thinking about you over the past two weeks, and I’ve come to a decision.” 

  
  


Matt suddenly felt his hand shaking as he held his glass of water. He gripped his wrist with his other hand, in an effort to stop the ice cubes clanking around the glass.

  
  


“I think we should split up.” His tone was flat and resigned.

  
  


“What?” Matt’s insides felt as though they were trying to leap into his throat.

  
  


“Yes Matt. I think we should split up. You see, I don’t think I can run for congress and concentrate on a relationship at the same time. It’s just too much all at once. Something had to give. I need to concentrate on my career, and I don’t think there’s room in my life for romance as well. I think it’ll be better for both of us.”

  
  


Matt sat there frozen for a moment.

  
  


“You don’t need to worry about anything though. I’ve found you an apartment not far from here. It’s big enough for all your stuff. You can even have people over to stay.” 

  
  


He tried to smile, but his eyes belied a sadness within. Clarity suddenly hit Matt full in the face. Nathan was a clever man. Very clever. It’s why he was a lawyer, and why Matt was attracted to him in the first place. He was also extremely proud. He knew what was going on. He knew Matt’s feelings had changed – how could he not, when Matt spent most of his time either with or worrying about Mohinder, and hadn’t touched him for months?   He knew Matt was falling hard and fast for Mohinder. He also knew that Matt would never have split up with him, because Matt was, above anything else, loyal. So he had done it himself – he had cut the tether that held them together.

  
  


Nathan looked up at him. Matt tried to think of something profound to say, like he hoped he would find someone who truly deserved him, but words had failed him. “Thank you,” he said, weakly. He could just discern a tear in the corner of Nathan’s eye. For all the hard exterior, Nathan was an emotional man, and Matt couldn’t bear to see him like this. He went over to give him a hug, but Nathan pushed him gently away. “You can sleep in one of the spare rooms tonight. How about the blue room? That was always your favourite colour.” Matt turned, so Nathan couldn’t see the tears in his own eyes, and walked up the stairs. He did sleep in the blue room that evening, and could have sworn that he felt a presence there, of someone quietly opening the door, tip-toeing to the bed, and gently caressing his hair. When he woke the next morning, Nathan had already gone. A note told him the address of his new apartment, saying that most of his belongings had already been taken there. He wrote a note back, and left it on the kitchen counter: ‘I will never forget this. Never.’

  
  


***

  
  


The apartment was, of course, perfect. Spacious, without being too big, but also not too ostentatious. Nathan knew his tastes well, and had sought out the best apartment possible. A pang of regret hit Matt. He had been with Nathan for nearly three years, and suddenly, for the first time, he felt lonely. As he looked around the apartment, his head brimmed full of conflicting emotions. He was deeply sad that he and Nathan had split up, but also relieved. Nathan had given him the greatest gift – he had set him free to pursue the man he truly loved. The man he was going to see right now.

  
  


He parked his car in the usual spot, and sauntered down the street, whistling happily to himself. He saw Molly and her friends playing on their pushbikes outside. She spotted him and waved, smiling happily. The sky overhead looked overcast and grey, and he wondered idly how long they would stay out playing before the heavens opened. He walked up the path to the green door, and heard Mohinder’s measured tones emanating from within. He was on the phone. Matt elected to wait until he had finished before disturbing him, and instead stood watching the children play on their bikes. His head suddenly tuned in to Mohinder’s conversation. 

  
  


“No….no I don’t think so Amma. I just don’t think it’s the right time. I know, I know I should have finished it before, but things have changed now……well yes, there is someone…..I don’t know…..But I have a chance at being happy, and I think coming to India will spoil it…..No……no I don’t know if he does, but I want to stay and find out…. I can always continue to study here…..yes, I know these chances don’t come up very often….”

  
  


Matt leant up against the wall and for the second time that day, realisation washed over him. He was the reason Mohinder had been so undecided about India. He wouldn’t to go, because he thought he could have a chance with Matt. ‘How could I have been so selfish!’ Matt thought. Here was someone, potentially throwing away his future because he wanted to stay and find out if he had a chance with Matt. Matt thought back to Gabriel, and suddenly realised that what he had done was not vastly different. He had taken Mohinder when he was at his most vulnerable, and filled him with hope. Mohinder needed to stand alone – Matt had been his emotional crutch for three months, slowly falling in love with him, not realising that what he was doing was potentially more damaging. He couldn’t stand it. He would never be able to live with himself knowing he was the one who prevented Mohinder from achieving what he truly deserved out of life. It would be worse than living with someone because you felt a duty to stay with them. 

  
  


A spot of rain on his face brought him out of his reverie, and he realised that Mohinder had finished his phone conversation. He rung the bell, and entered. “We need to talk,” he said firmly, which took Mohinder aback slightly.

  
  


“Is…is something wrong Matt?” Worry flashed over his face.

  
  


“No, no. I just meant, I really think you should go to India. You have to take this opportunity. You have one chance to achieve your dream and become a Doctor of Genetics. Don’t throw it away Mohinder, I’m begging you.” He swallowed hard, desperately trying to stop the lump that was starting to form in his throat.

  
  


Mohinder stared at him, confusion knitting his brows. “But why Matt? What if I don’t want to go? What if I want to stay here…. with you?” He hesitated on the last part of the sentence, as if unsure how to voice it.

  
  


Matt took a deep breath and steadied himself. He wondered if what he was about to say would stay with him for the rest of his life. Would it be something he would think back to in old age, when ruminating on the turning point in his life, and where it all started to go wrong? He stopped himself. He couldn’t be selfish anymore.

  
  


“You can’t stay here with me, Mohinder. I’m with Nathan. I know things haven’t been fantastic between us lately, but we had a big, long talk last night. We’re giving things another go.” The words were left hanging in the air. Matt thought for a moment he could hear the distant sound of heartstrings snapping in Mohinder’s chest. He looked at him. Mohinder was shaking. He eventually sat down on the couch, and put his head in his hands. Matt instinctively went to him, and tried to put his arm around him. Mohinder shrugged it away, and they sat there, in silence, the only sound being the far away cries of children playing.

  
  


Eventually Mohinder took a deep breath and spoke, eyes firmly in his lap. “I understand.” He said slowly.

  
  


“What?”

  
  


“I understand. And you’re right. You’re with Nathan, and even though I know you don’t love him, I know you would never leave him because you think you owe him something.”

  
  


“Mohinder, you’re wrong…” Matt could feel himself getting redder and redder. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes.

  
  


“No I’m not.” He looked up at stared at Matt. Matt saw tears forming in the corner of his eyes too.   “I owe you so much, Matt. So much. I will do anything to make you happy. Anything. Just tell me.”

  
  


Matt took a deep breath. He could feel water running down his cheek, and his voice was starting to break. “What I want….what will make me happy….is to see you in a year or two years’ time with the world at your feet. I want to see a name plaque on the door to your office in some great university which says ‘Dr Mohinder Suresh.’ I want to see you surrounded by books bearing your name. I want people to look at you and marvel at your beauty and intellect. I want to see you happy, and I know that by staying here, you won’t be happy. You will always think about what could have been. I don’t want to be the person you see when you think ‘where did it all go wrong?’ The best way you can make me happy, is by calling your mother and telling her that you will be on the first plane out to Chennai. Make me happy by advancing yourself, Mohinder.” 

  
  


He reached out a hand and touched Mohinder’s. Mohinder entwined their fingers, and looked him directly in the eye. “Then that’s what I will do. If making you happy means going to India, then I’ll do it.” Tears fell down his face. Matt drew him into a hug, his own tears wetting Mohinder’s shoulder. They came apart, Matt sniffing and wiping his nose on his sleeve. Mohinder gave a pained smile. 

  
  
  


“Let me know when your flight is,” said Matt, snuffling slightly, “I’ll help you pack and drive you to the airport. It’s the least I can do. I have to go now. Nathan will be waiting.”

  
  


Mohinder nodded, and they hugged again. Matt opened the door, only to be taken aback by the wall of water that faced him. Sensing Mohinder was about to ask him to stay, he turned around and gave a resigned smile. He then rolled up his collar, and stepped out into the deluge. He walked slowly back to the car, wiping rain from his eyes, and trying to convince himself that he wasn’t crying. Mohinder watched him disappear into the rain, and sat down on the couch. He searched for his cell phone, and keyed in his mother’s number. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he told her he would be coming after all, and he would book the first flight out to Chennai in the morning. He finished the call, and put the phone on the couch. He lowered his head, and ran his fingers through his hair, pulling and scratching at his scalp. Tears started to fall down his face, and for the second time in three months, he wailed. This time, there was no one there to comfort him. It was something he would have to learn to do on his own.

  
  


***

  
  


Everything was set. Mohinder had had a week to get everything in order, and pack what little belongings he had into one of Matt’s suitcases which, he assured him, he would send back to him once in India. Matt still visited, in his duty as Mohinder’s protector, only the visits were more to help him get his affairs in order, and make arrangements for the day when he would fly out of Matt’s life.

  
  


It was the day before Mohinder’s flight, and Matt was making once last meticulous check of every detail.

  
  


“So your flight’s at half past seven, right?”

  
  


“Yes.”

  
  


“I’m at work until four, so I’ll pick you up at five from here, which means we’ll get to the airport in plenty of time. Ok?”

  
  


“That’s fine.” Mohinder sighed. Despite the pang of regret he felt whenever he looked at Matt, he had gradually come to realise that he was doing the right thing. At least the man he loved would be the one waving at him as he walked out of his life.

  
  


The next day went painfully slowly for Matt. He stared at the clock for what seemed like hours, watching the seconds slowly ticking away. The day had been another shitty, pointless day, to add to the shitty, pointless evening he would be experiencing after Mohinder had left. It got to 3:15pm, and he was already packing up to go home when a familiar voice barked into his ear. 

  
  


“Parkman!” it shouted. “We need you to go into town – there’s a report of someone wanting to jump of the roof of the Telegraph building.”

  
  


“But Sir, I have to go at four o’clock. I have an urgent appointment. I can’t miss it!”

  
  


“Can it, Parkman. You’re the only trained negotiator in the building – get out there, and do your job!”

  
  


“But sir!”

  
  


“I said can it! Do your job well, and he’ll be down in no time. Now get out there.” 

  
  


Matt threw his bags onto the floor. He fumbled for his phone and dialled Mohinder’s number. Strangely there was no answer. He dialled again, but it cut straight to voicemail. He left a garbled message, telling him he’d be there as quickly as he could, and ran out the door.

  
  


By the time he got to the Telegraph building, a crowd had gathered. It appeared that reports were slightly misinformed. The person on the building was protesting against some redevelopment of part of the city – apparently part of the Lower East Side was to be demolished, with swanky new apartments put in its place. Matt looked at his watch. It was nearly four. He quickly tried Mohinder’s number again, but once more it went straight to voicemail. He left another, rather confused message, before making his way up to the top of the building to talk to the protestor. It was all he could do to keep his calm with the man, who was standing on the ledge and just wouldn’t budge. He kept checking his watch, seeing the minutes slowly tick away. Another call, another voicemail message. Finally at 5:45pm, Matt lost his patience.

  
  


“Look you!” He shouted, anger and frustrating welling up. “I should have been off at four. It’s nearly 6pm and I have somewhere I really need to be. The man I love is about to catch a plane and fly out of my life, probably forever, and I’m stuck here, talking to you. Protest another day if you want – I won’t stop you, but please… please tonight just come down!” He was aware that he was crying. 

  
  


The man stared at him, and quietly got down from the ledge. “Sorry man,” he said, “I had no idea.” 

  
  


“Why would you?” said Matt, bitterly.

  
  


***

  
  


Matt raced to Mohinder’s. He rapped frantically on the door, but no one came. He saw Molly in the street, and raced to her. “Molly, Molly!”

  
  


“Yes.”

  
  


“Molly,” he panted, “is Mohinder around? Have you seen him?”

  
  


“Not just now. I saw him a couple of hours ago. He was speaking to a man on his doorstep.”

  


“A man? What man Molly? What did he look like?” He desperately tried to calm the fear that was rising in his stomach.

  
  


“Oh I don’t know.” Said Molly. “He was pretty tall. I didn’t like him though – he only had one eyebrow.” Matt suddenly doubled over and heaved. He put his hands to his mouth, and rushed to Mohinder’s door once again, knocking furiously and calling his name. He stopped mid-syllable when he noticed something that made his heart stop. Tiny, almost imperceptible flecks of blood on the door frame. He stood there for a second, breathing deeply, head spinning. He raced back to his car, and drove the short distance to the police station, running two red lights along the way. He pulled up directly outside, and was surprised to see Monaghan rushing out to speak to him.

  
  


“Matt, Matt you have to get in there now.”

  
  


Matt could hardly breathe. “Why? What’s happening?”

  
  


“It’s Gabriel Gray. They arrested him about half an hour ago.”

  


“What?” Matt was shaking uncontrollably. He gathered his thoughts, and gasped weakly. “What’s the charge?”

  
  


“Murder.”


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mohinder's fate is still uncertain, while Matt has to deal with the aftermath. Is there even a chance for a happy ending?

Matt practically pushed Monaghan out of the way in his haste to get inside of the building. He ran to the cell block, and barked at a new recruit, “Gabriel Gray – where is he?”

  


“Urrr…he’s in cell 5, sir.”

  


If Matt hadn’t had such a long day, if he hadn’t been filled with so much rage at that moment, he might have found it amusing that the rookie had assumed he was of higher rank. This was lost on him at the current juncture. The man he loved, the man he had given up and urged to make the best of himself, the man he had metaphorically cut his own heart out for, was dead. Dead at the hands of his former tormentor. Despite the rules, despite being told not to get emotionally involved with a case, he had. In possibly the worst way. And now, against his better judgement, he was going to do something totally irrational, and almost illegal.

  


He burst in to cell 5, and saw Gabriel sitting there. He was a little thinner than when Matt had last seen him, his clothes a little dirtier. He had two large gray circles around his eyes, and his nose was swollen and covered in dried blood. He looked up at Matt, saw the anger in his face, and smiled.

  


“Offer Parkman,” he drawled. “So good to see you again. How are you?” His eyes were the colour of flint. Matt suddenly flew at him, shaking with anger. “What did you do you murderous fuck! What did you do?” He grabbed him roughly and shoved him up against the cold concrete wall of the cell. Gabriel hit the wall with an “Oof!” sound, and looked down on Matt, staring at him with an intense hate in his eyes. He looked momentarily confused, but then seemed to compose himself enough to smile once again.

  


“I don’t know what you mean, Officer.” He said coolly. Matt tightened his grip, and moved to within millimetres of Gabriel’s face. 

“You’re going to pay for this, Gray.” He spat, small flecks of spit hitting Gabriel in the face. “I’ll make sure you’ll get what’s coming to you, and I don’t mean jail.”

  


“Are you threatening me Officer? Because if you are, I’m sure my lawyer will have something to say about that. Added to the police brutality, that is.” Matt immediately released him, and he fell to the floor with a thump. It was all Matt could do to resist the urge to kick him. Matt turned away, wiping a tear that fell down his cheek. Suddenly the voice started behind him.

  


“He was so sweet that last time. You should have been there. He opened his door and was so surprised to see me. I went inside and he was on me, ripping my clothes off and pulling me down to the floor. I fucked him hard. I made him moan, and writhe and want me. He said he’d missed me. Missed me inside him, fucking him to the point of ecstasy. If you look at the body, you’ll see bite marks all over it, where he begged me to bite him, give him pain and pleasure, to mark him as mine and mine alone. We carried on for hours – I took him to the brink, and brought him back down again. In the end, he couldn’t stand anymore and started thrusting back, impaling himself on to me, tearing himself apart. He came hard, calling my name over and over again. The sound was _glorious_. It’s a pity that when he threw his head back, riding me down, I had to silence him. I pulled his hair down, and snapped that beautiful, delicate neck. Oh, it sounded so good.” 

  


Matt was about to wheel round and fly at him again, but then he realised that something didn’t add up. There had been blood on the door frame of Mohinder’s house. If Gabriel had snapped his neck, there would have been no blood. So where had it come from? He steadied himself, and turned round to face Gabriel, who had by now stood up.

  


“You’re lying.” Matt said quietly, trying to calm his breathing. His voice was shaking, his whole body on fire with rage. “He would never have done that. He couldn’t even bear to say your name, let alone have you in his house. You’re a liar. You wanted him and found out he was stronger. You found that you couldn’t control him anymore, so you took your revenge.”

  


Gabriel ignored him. “I’ve done you a favour, Officer. Mohinder was way, way out of your league. I killed him so you wouldn’t have the disappointment of him rejecting your fat ass. What the hell would he want with such a loser?”

  


Matt turned around and flew at him again, fists ready to connect with whatever flesh they found. There was suddenly a shout behind him, and a pair of rough hands managed to wrestle him away. “Parkman don’t. DON’T!” He turned round to see Detective Martinez staring him straight in the eyes. “Come with me,” he said sharply. 

  


“See you soon, Parkman,” called Gabriel after them.

  


“What the hell was that, Parkman! You know the rules! You’re leaving yourself and us wide open to a lawsuit, you stupid ass!”

  


“He killed…..” Matt was so angry he couldn’t think straight, let alone get a coherent sentence out. “Mohinder….Mohinder Suresh….”

  


“What?” Martinez stared at him like he was some sort of simpleton. He stood silent for a moment, before realisation suddenly washed over him. “No Parkman, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. Suresh is fine – he’s on his way to India now. Harper drove him to the airport himself.”

  


“What?” Matt was shaking, nausea rising once more in his stomach, not daring to believe what Martinez was saying.

  


“I said: Suresh. Is. Fine. Gabriel Gray killed Steven Staskaewicz.”

  


“Steven Staskaewicz?” Matt was in a daze. He couldn’t process what Martinez was saying.

  


“One of the Campbells’ ‘friends’. They’d put a hit out on Gray when he fled, but he’d hidden himself too well. They got wind that Gabriel had returned to New York – bad news travels fast, right? So they dispatched Staskaewicz to take care of him, because he has some very incriminating evidence. As far as we can tell, Gray must have known something was up when he got back to the house. Staskaewicz is, sorry, _was_ a very inexperienced hit man, so he must have given the game away somehow. We think they got into a fight, and Gray stabbed him six times in the chest.”

  


“Stabbed? So Mohinder….”

  


“Suresh is alive, Parkman. He caught the plane. The only thing you need to worry about is if Gray presses charges against you. An assault charge could end your career.”

  


Matt steadied himself. “I never touched him.” He said.

  


“Good. Good,” said Martinez knowingly. “I never saw a thing.” 

  


***

  


Matt walked away from the cells, and made his way to his desk upstairs. He took his phone out of his pocket. It was completely dead – the battery must have gone flat. He sat down at his desk and fumbled in his drawers, finally finding a charger. He plugged the phone in, but it was a good few minutes before he could turn it on. 

  


He pressed the ‘on’ button. His phone buzzed and flashed to life. The display lit up to show ‘you have two new messages – access now?’ He dialled the voicemail number, and sat, heart beating loudly in his chest, as the first message played out.

  


Mohinder’s voice sounded distant. There was a lot of noise in the background, a lot of chattering and bustling far away, so Matt had to concentrate extremely hard to make out what he was saying. “Matt……Matt I don’t know where you are right now, but I hope you get this. I got your messages - you’re stuck at work…probably saving the soul of some other poor sap who’s gotten themselves into a mess. I hope the guy got down off the roof…” There was a sound of nervous laughter. “I just called…..just called to….” He seemed to be struggling with the words, “Gabriel’s back. He found me Matt.” Silence, except for the sound of fumbling and someone arguing in the distance. “He…came round the house just as I was ready to leave. Perfect timing, you might say. He tried to tell me he’d changed. He tried to make out he was different now, and that we could get back together and everything would be just like it was in the beginning. It made me sick Matt, sick to my stomach. I told him to get out, and managed to pull on the panic alarm by the door, but then he threatened me. Said we were destined to be together, and that he would find away to have me, even if it was forced…” Mohinder sniffed on the recording, and Matt could tell with heartbreaking certainty that he was desperately trying to fight down tears. Then the first message ended. Matt quickly pressed the ‘next’ button with a shaking finger. Slowly, the next message played out.

  


“Sorry Matt, I must have run out of time.” A deep breath. “I hit him Matt. I’m so sorry…. I drew all my strength, and smacked him in the nose. It made an awful cracking sound, and I’m sure blood splattered everywhere, which will need cleaning if someone else is going to live there.” Ever house proud, Matt thought, blinking tears away. “I thought it might feel good – to finally stand up to him. I didn’t feel anything. There’s no love or hate now, just….just regret. Deep regret that I let him do that to me for so long…” His voice trailed off, before he seemed to gather himself up again. “Anyway… the police came, but he’d gone. One of them brought me to the airport – just in time to check in.” Mohinder was silent for a few moments; the only sound on the recording was a Tannoy announcement that ‘Delta Airline Flight 105 to Chennai is now boarding.’ “That’s my flight Matt. I have to go. I just want to say….thank you.” His voice started to quaver, and Matt could tell from the tone that he was desperately fighting back tears. “Thank you, for everything. You saved me Matt, and I will never for…” 

  


The message cut off. There was nothing more. Matt sat down on the cold indifferent chair next to his desk, buried his head in his hands, and cried. It was a cry of sadness, and loss, but also relief and _joy_. Sadness that he would never see him again, the man he loved truly, and joy that Mohinder had finally escaped, was fulfilling his destiny. He sat there, crying quietly on his own for a few minutes, before steeling himself, standing up and going to the restroom. He washed his face and stared at himself – he had lost weight. When did that happen? He looked in the mirror for a few minutes, and suddenly saw determination in his reflection. He wiped his face on a towel, and walked up to his desk. Whatever he was feeling at this moment, whatever loss consumed him, he had a duty. And that duty was to see Gabriel Gray get what he deserved, to put him away so he could hurt no one else. 

  


He walked over to his desk, and started pulling up case files on the computer. He recorded every incident, every call made to the station, even typed up a copy of Mohinder’s original statement that he had tried to retract. It took him hours. By the time the clock reached 12 midnight, he had a wad of evidence against Gray. Someone lightly tapped on his shoulder. It was Monaghan. “Go home,” he said. “You’ve done enough. I’ll handle the rest.”

  


“I’ll get him,” Matt said, tiredness evident in his voice. “I’ll make sure he never gets out. Never.”

  


  


***

  


Six months later, and Matt stepped out of the busy courtroom. It was over. The whole thing was _over_. Gabriel Gray had gotten 30 years for second degree murder. Thirty years. Matt hoped he spent every one of those years in abject misery. The judge had made special mention of the work Matt had done toward the case – meticulously recording every little incident he could, so the jury could build up an accurate picture of the sort of man Gray was. A violent, sadistic killer. There was talk of Matt taking the detectives’ exam, although that would have to wait until he had gotten over the trauma of this case. 

  


He walked through the corridors until he found the main exit. He stood on the stone steps leading up to the courthouse, and tilted his face up to catch the cool wind blowing around the building. He was shaking. Shaking with anger, shaking with relief, shaking from lack of glucose because he hadn’t eaten anything substantial for at least a week. It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders – an albatross taken from around his neck, which signalled that everything was going to be ok again. Something which had consumed his life for the past year was now over – he could look forward to being normal again. 

  


Whatever that meant. He would have to carry on with his own life, the life he had built for himself, since splitting up with Nathan. The man he loved was far, far away. He would probably never see him again. But oh, Mohinder was _safe_, and Gabriel could not harm him anymore. Gabriel would not be harming anyone.

  


Amongst the roaring of the wind, he heard a metallic rattling sound. An empty Coke can was rolling and leaping over the concrete below. His eyes followed as it made its erratic way down the street, stopping and starting as another heady gust of wind took it further. The sight of the Coke can seemed to calm him. He watched it as it got further and further away, but stopped when he saw a familiar figure in the middle distance, standing and watching him intently. Shorter than he was, wiry, with dark hair and the most intense eyes. The man walked over to him, sweeping back the hair that was blowing into his eyes. Suddenly Matt’s senses left him. 

  


Nathan put a comforting arm around him. Matt started to cry, spilling tears that had built up over months. Crying over love, and loss, and hate and revenge. All of it. His body shook with the intensity of the feeling he felt. There were no words, just the sound of Matt weeping uncontrollably, and Nathan’s low voice shushing him, rocking him, patting and rubbing his back, comforting him like he would a frightened child. “It’s going to be ok,” he said softly. “Trust me.”

  


***

  


  


One Year Later

  


Matt fumbled with his tie. He did it up, looked at himself, undid it, did it up again, then realised he needed a different colour altogether. He threw it down onto the bed, and was about to go for another one when the doorbell rang. ‘Shit,’ he thought, and went to answer it.

  


“You’re _still_ not ready?” Nathan’s tone was more resigned than surprised. He had expected nothing more. “I can’t believe this. 

You’ve had two hours since you finished work, and you’re still half undressed.”

  


“Be quiet and come in Nathan, otherwise we’ll both be late.”

  


Nathan stepped inside the apartment, and surveyed the mess. The suit Matt had worn to work was lying crumpled in a corner, and a plethora of different ties littered the room. “Someone needs a housekeeper,” Nathan mumbled under his breath.

  


“I heard that. Look Nathan, you asked me to come with you to this party thing. I’m doing you a favour. There’s no need to insult me. You can go on your own.”

  


“Oh lighten up Matt, I was only joking. I love seeing your face when it gets all pouty.” 

  


“Nathan.”

  


“Ok, ok! Look, I asked you along because there will be load of academic types there, and I want to be able to talk to someone normal, instead of getting into conversations about proton theories and any other sciencey stuff. You’re my get out clause.” He smiled, and flashed Matt a knowing look.

  


“You’re up to something,” said Matt. “You forget that I went out with you for three years. I know when you’re up to something. Is that guy going to be there?”

  


Nathan widened his eyes in mock sincerity. He was definitely up to something. “What guy? I don’t know what you mean?”

  


“The guy you’ve been chasing for a couple of months now. Isn’t he some kind of big noise at the University?”

  


Nathan smiled. “Oh no. No _he_ won’t be there.” His grin broadened, eyes shining with hidden knowledge. Matt thought it best not to carry on with the conversation. They were already late, and he still had to choose a tie.

  


***

  


Matt had never been to the university before, and he felt completely out of place. He watched how Nathan smiled and even flirted his way around the room. Nathan’s campaign had stepped up a gear, and he was intent on winning as many votes as possible. This meant socialising, and turning up to everything he was invited to. Including this, a welcome party for all of the new university staff. Matt looked round and felt thoroughly inadequate. Suits, lots of suits, and lots of old professors laughing at very intellectual jokes. Apart from Nathan, he didn’t see anyone remotely attractive. This was going to be a wasted night. Again. Matt sighed, and his eyes were drawn to a secluded corner.

  


It was then he saw him. He was smiling – the smile lit up the whole room, and laughing, laughing in that carefree way of someone completely at ease with themselves and their surroundings. He looked bigger. Well, not bigger physically, but his presence was larger, more confident. Matt suddenly began to feel a lump in his throat. It had been nearly a year and a half since he’d last seen him. A year since Gabriel had been put away for good. Matt had gotten on with his life – had one failed but extremely fun relationship, transformed himself from Nathan’s ex-lover to Nathan’s friend, and advanced himself at work. He never thought that something was missing until now, until he saw him standing there, looking _beautiful_. There were no other words to describe it. He looked truly _beautiful_.

  


The old doubts started to appear. What if he’d moved on? What if he’d gotten so above him that Matt wasn’t even on his radar anymore? Would he even remember him? He’d wanted to throw his career away so he could stay with Matt – what if now he realised what a dreadful mistake he’d nearly made? What if seeing Matt would remind him of a horrible past that he would rather forget about? Matt decided not to wait and find out. The best thing for everyone would be if he found Nathan and told him he was leaving.

  


He turned around and started to walk out of the room, when a familiar voice, measured, strong, perfect, called his name. “Matt. Matt! Matthew Parkman! Matt!” He turned around, and Mohinder was waving frantically, stepping over people to get to him. His eyes were as bright as the stars.

  


“Hi,” he said, weakly.

  


Mohinder caught up with him, and grabbed his hand. The touch made Matt fall inwardly. “Matt! Matt, do you remember me?” His eyes widened.

  


“Oh course I do, Mohinder. How could I forget? You look….you look amazing.” Mohinder lowered his eyes and smiled bashfully. He then looked up at him.

  


“You don’t look so bad yourself.” They stared at each other for a moment. Mohinder then leant into him, and whispered in his ear, “Let’s find somewhere quiet so we can talk.” He led Matt out, locating an empty study room which was unlocked. Matt sat down into one of the large, soft chairs, while Mohinder bent to light the small fire, before settling down next to Matt. He stared at him intently, suddenly looking very serious.

  


“I never… I never had the chance to thank you properly.” He looked down to his feet. “You truly saved my life.”

  


Matt blushed. “Nonsense,” he said with finality. “You saved yourself.”

  


“But you showed me how. Without you, Gabriel would have killed me. I’m certain of it.” They stared at each other for a few seconds. 

“I was hoping you’d come,” he continued, “Ever since I got here three weeks ago, I’ve been asking around for you, pestering everyone. No one knew what you were doing. They said they hadn’t seen you on the streets for months.”

  


“Oh they wouldn’t,” Matt smiled, pride evident in his voice. “I’m a detective now. I’m strictly off the streets.”

  


Mohinder flashed a broad smile. “A detective!” he exclaimed. “That’s fantastic! I’m so pleased for you. Nathan must be so proud?” He tried hard not to make the last part sound like a question, but his heart beat had sped up as he asked it, cracking the calm exterior.

  


“Yes he is.” Mohinder’s smile stayed where it was, but his eyes fell. Matt picked up on this, and suddenly his heart was beating frantically in his chest. Was there still hope? 

  


“What I mean to say is, he is very proud because all of the time we were together, I went on about it constantly. It’s ironic that I finally achieved it when we’d split up. Now he keeps trying to set me up with other detectives, politicians, you name it, but so far it hasn’t worked.”

  


The smile returned to Mohinder’s eyes. Matt carried on. “You made me realise I was with him for the wrong reasons. I had to stand on my own two feet, and it took you and your situation to make me realise that. So I have to thank you, too.”

  


Mohinder lowered his eyes again. “So you’re lecturing at the university? Does that mean you’re a doctor now?” Matt asked.

  


“Yes, yes I am.”

  


“For real? A doctor of Genetics?” Matt’s voice was tinctured with a sense of pride.

  


“Yes – I earned my doctorate in Chennai. I could’ve had a seat at the University there, but there was something missing, so I had to come back here.”

  


“What was missing? You had a job and all of your family out there. You had everything you needed.”

  


“I needed a partner. No, not just a partner, a lover. A proper lover – someone who makes me feel more than myself, someone who looks out for me, supports me, wants me to better myself, even if it is at the expense of his own happiness.”

  


Matt’s breathing hitched. He didn’t want to ask the question that danced along his lips, because at this moment, right at this moment, he was scared of the answer. Scared of the disappointment it would bring. He took a deep breath, felt the fear rising in his stomach, and did it anyway.

  


“And… and have you found that?” Blood pounded in his ears – he felt he was barely holding on to consciousness at this moment. Mohinder stared at him.

  


“I think so.” Matt’s stomach dropped. “And now that I know he’s single, there’s nothing stopping me.” He leant forward, and caught Matt’s mouth in a kiss. It was as soft as butterfly wings, and made Matt feel as though he were floating on air. He brought a hand up to Mohinder’s neck, and tilted his head, deepening the kiss and slipping a tongue tentatively inside. Mohinder responded immediately, looping their tongues together, tasting each other, freeing the desire that had built up over months and months of waiting, longing and hoping.

  


Mohinder wrapped his arms around Matt and squeezed lightly. He whispered into his lips, “In my worst nightmare, I imagined your arms around me. You were the light that guided me out of the darkness. I counted every day. Every day until I could come back to you.”

  


“Shhh,” whispered Matt, “There is no nightmare anymore Mohinder, just you and me. For as long as you want.”

  


“Forever Matt. I want forever. I love you. I never stopped.” He leant in and kissed him again. Matt leant back on the chair, pulling Mohinder down on top of him and wrapping his arms around him. They lay like that for some time, kissing, tasting, wanting each other completely. The clock on the far wall ticked quietly, a quiet testament to everything that could have been, and everything yet to follow. It continued, ignored by the room’s occupants. They had a lot of wasted time to make up for.


End file.
